boyfriends depression breaking my heart SU trigger

[Hereforyou]

Hi there,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. Our relationship has been mostly very good (I say mostly because like every relationship we have had ups and downs) but we have done so many wonderful and lovely things together over the years, creating beautiful memories and having a wonderful time together.

In early December things were great, we were on holiday having a blast, we were looking at wedding rings and baby clothes for a while, planning a future with each other, something we've been talking about for a couple of years.

After Christmas however things shifted and my boyfriend suddenly became a different person. At first he would simply be irritable, tired and moody, this caused a lot of arguments between us as of course I didn't realise what was going on and just thought he was being moody. We've never been a couple that argues every week but without fail the weekend would come along and it felt as though he was purposely starting arguments. At the end of February it became apparent that he had fell into severe depression as he admitted that he was miserable and he didn't know why, he begun talking about thoughts to commit suicide and saying nasty things about our relationship and about me, saying nothing makes him happy. He told me how he needed to get his head together and needed space because he was miserable and how he was messed up. He begun doing stupid things to purposely "set me up" and put ideas of another woman into my head, something which truly breaks my heart.

We are now in March and he has now started antidepressants (just over a week today) and will start therapy shortly, but I am struggling massively. In the months prior we argued non-stop and he keeps hanging up on that, saying our relationship was bad and how all we did was argue. He left to get some space but came back a few hours later, still telling me however that he didn't know if space would have worked because he didn't give it long enough but also saying how he loves me and doesn't want me to be the reason hes depressed, saying how I've made him the happiest he's ever been and how I am the best thing that's ever happened to him. It's just so hurtful that he thinks that I could be making him depressed.

We spoke about his issues with me and our relationship and I've agreed to change those things since he started the antidepressants I have tried my absolute hardest to be happy, cheerful, supportive and not moany.

Admittedly this has been incredibly hard for me, this is the guy of my dreams who I love very dearly. He has said and done so many hurtful things in the last couple of weeks, he's becoming reclusive and seems to always be miserable with me only despite me trying to be positive and upbeat. I've told him that I will support him through things but I don't know what's going through his mind or if he even wants to be with me anymore.

It sounds stupid but he keeps being strange with his Facebook and hiding our relationship on it, this hurts massively as he knows it upsets me but he seems to continue to do it, and I am not sure if he's doing it because he's depressed or because he wants to push me away and make me leave him.

He's lost all interest in me physically and doesn't seem to even want to hold my hand anymore, I've been told to give him space and go out more, to also stop being as affectionate as that may not be what he wants right now but it's so hard as I just want to hold him in my arms 😢 .

Is it normal for depressed people to completely withdraw from their partner physically and emotionally and to act suspicious/strange.? What should I do, should I withdraw a bit or keep being around?

For the record, he took antidepressants for about 2 weeks before in August but stopped them suddenly. As far as I am aware he has never been diagnosed with depression before but has had bouts of sadness in the past and suffers with ADHD.