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Thread: boyfriends depression breaking my heart SU trigger

  1. #271
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Sweetheart you said you've had depression before, what did you want when you were ill?
    There's only us, There's only this, Forget regret, Or life is your to miss,
    No other road, No other way, No day but today. (Rent. Jonathan Larson)

  2. #272
    Mine was very different.. I knew what the trigger was and I was completely alone in life.. I was severely bullied so I had no friends.. Was in an abusive relationship so didn't have a supportive partner and my parents were going through hell and back with their marriage so I didn't even tell them.. Plus I was doing my exams so I had to study all the time...

    With my depression I was desperate to feel loved and wanted.. I felt useless and alone in every aspect of my life.. I felt like a mess and a total failure...

    I am not entirely sure if that's how my partner feels.. He does feel like he's a mess but because he is depressed.. And he knows that he is loved tremendously.. Even by my own family who often tell him despite his mum not telling him often...

    I ask him what I can do or how I can help and he just says he doesn't know.. Keeping busy helps him because he can take his mind off of things but in recent days when I've asked him if he wants to go out he starts to cry and says he doesn't want to be around people and doesn't want to leave the house.. He goes to work and paintballm because he doesn't want to let people down...

    I wish I knew how or what can help that I can do...

  3. #273
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    Depression doesn't have to have triggers. Sometimes it just is. I can understand him not wanting to be around people. Less than 5 minutes has made me retreat back to my room this morning. Being around people means you feel like the mask has to be in place and that's exhausting. Maybe him finding a hobby he can do at home would help? Or maybe joing some depression groups/forums and just reading other peoples stories so he can see that he's not alone and it can get better.
    Tn prdu, jhami s rcbro

  4. #274
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Maybe itd help if you looked around other threads here, it might give you an idea of how we interact with our loved ones?
    Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. Arthur Ashe

  5. #275
    Yeah I've tried to explain that to him.. Although he's adamant that it must be something but he just doesn't know what..

    I think a hobby at home would be a great idea.. I will try to think of things I cs n get him to start as a hobby.. Can you recommend anything..?

    I think you guys have all been great at helping me understand things.. You've made me feel a lot more like it's not me and rather the disease that's made him pull away so you've settled that feeling for sure...

  6. #276
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    What about something you can do together, but also separately? When Marc was having such big panic attacks and couldn't leave the house without diazepam or ambulances being called he fell back into photography. He's a seriously amazing photographer. We went off to some of the old churches in our area as they were generally deserted, no need to interact. One day we found our way into a local church which changed our lives. The church was locked, but the vicar was so friendly when we went in to ask when it would be open and he opened it up for us. Marc explained why he wanted to take pictures and the vicar was really happy to help. Marc explained that he had no faith and didn't want to be intruding. The vicar said that "sometimes there's too much religion in faith" and "actually that means you have more right to be in here than I do." We went back a couple of times. Then one day we were talking and I said I'd like to go back for a service. This church has a Wednesday morning service at 10am which has around 20 people there. We started going regularly. The vicar had already said that if he needed to Marc could get up and walk around or walk in and out if he needed to. It's really changed so much for us.
    There's only us, There's only this, Forget regret, Or life is your to miss,
    No other road, No other way, No day but today. (Rent. Jonathan Larson)

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