Page 52 of 56 FirstFirst ... 2425051525354 ... LastLast
Results 511 to 520 of 555

Thread: boyfriends depression breaking my heart SU trigger

  1. #511
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Surrey. UK
    Posts
    69,728
    My 2p worth? As someone who has been where you are to some extent - we went through 2 breakdowns and it is something we live with - even today Marc has had a big wobble so my role today wasn't "wife/lover" it was as supporter/carer/cheerleader/person to provide food and drink..... Today he isn't able to make decisions, his brain is "mush"(his words not mine) and today anxiety and depression have grabbed hold....
    This may never completely go away for us - and it is US. We go through it as much as we can together. We've had good days and more frequent great days, today isn't one of those and I know there'll be some more crap ones in the future. Do I believe we can stay together through them? Yup...
    Can you say that you can do this time and time again? You may have to....
    There's only us, There's only this, Forget regret, Or life is your to miss,
    No other road, No other way, No day but today. (Rent. Jonathan Larson)

    Look! I'm walking a marathon in May for the British Heart Foundation!
    Sponsor me if you fancy! No pressure, cheerleaders needed too!

    https://mymarathon18.everydayhero.com/uk/s-shaw

  2. #512
    Magie.. My partner is going to the doctors tomorrow.. I do still love him.. I love him more than anything in this world.. But I just don't know what to do half the time and I can't bare that half the time he acts like I am the last person he wants to he near...

    Paula.. I don't believe he's making it up.. I am the one that sees him sob and breakdown and I am trying my hardest to convince others that he's really that bad.. But then there are some people in my life saying things like "if he's so depressed why is he fine at paintball, just a bit quieter" or "if he's so depressed why is he going out with his friends".. And then I've got the same people saying "are you sure he's just not happy with you anymore and doesn't know how to say it" .. And that's so unbelievably upsetting to hear or even think.. Even he's own mother just says "he doesn't seem depressed to me, just quiet" but then he hasn't told his mother anything at all anyway...

    OldMike... I completely agree.. I've never once allowed anyone to say he's making it up or believed he's making it up myself.. I just don't know what else to do anymore.. Especially when half the time it's me that he snaps at or is moody at...

    Suzi.. The thing is some times (like last night) he says "Oh I am fed up" and I don't want to say anything because sometimes like you guys have said I just want to let him "be" without explanation.. And sometimes when I do ask I get confronted with "why do you think I am fed up" .. It's like I am torn in 3 places.. Don't ask and let him be.. Ask so he knows he can talk and that you care.. Or just ignore it entirely.. He hasn't gone to work all week which I've assured him is fine and we will manage if he needs time off.. But today he was due to go back and this morning he just text his boss saying he's head still messed up.. Again though I just don't know if I should ask anymore because I know sometimes he doesn't want to talk..

    I don't know if I can do this time and time again.. I miss being the lover and the girlfriend.. Will I ever get to be that again if this is something that remains like this forever.. I just don't know.. I am truly scared...

  3. #513
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Jane Austen country
    Posts
    37,202
    I often have the Ďwhy donít you just walk away from all thisí talk with my husband. Weíve been together nearly 20 years and have gradually had to accept that our life together is never going to be free from this illness. It breaks my heart that he has to live his life with so many limitations. My husbandís answer every single time is that he loves me and sees it as his purpose in life to look after me. He does this time and time again and never backs down. Heís an exceptional person, however, and has the strength to continue. Maybe you need to consider whether this is something you can continue to do.
    Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

  4. #514
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Surrey. UK
    Posts
    69,728
    Marc accepts my physical illnesses - he always has, but he's amazing. In return so to speak I support him with his mental illness... It's swings and roundabouts and I'm in it till the end...
    There's only us, There's only this, Forget regret, Or life is your to miss,
    No other road, No other way, No day but today. (Rent. Jonathan Larson)

    Look! I'm walking a marathon in May for the British Heart Foundation!
    Sponsor me if you fancy! No pressure, cheerleaders needed too!

    https://mymarathon18.everydayhero.com/uk/s-shaw

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Suzi For This Useful Post:

    OldMike (17-05-18)

  6. #515
    I genuinely don't know.. Is this something that will mean I never get to have a family or get married to him because he doesn't want to have children when he's like this.. Will it mean I never feel loved again or have physical or emotional intimacy again..??

    I don't want to walk away but will I ever have even days or weeks where I can have that relationship we had before back..? Is everyday going to be "what kind of mood is he in today" .. "should I plan to do this together today" .. "does he love me today" ..

    Will there ever be days where we can forget his illness and move on or is every day going to be the same awful day..

  7. #516
    Moderator of Awesomeness magie06's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Galway, Ireland
    Posts
    14,562
    I first got ill 8 years ago. The medication I was on completely killed my libido, and we haven't been intimate since! I thought my husband was worried about this, but because he hadn't mentioned it, I was afraid to mention it too. We still love each other very much and we show our love in different ways now.
    It's not the same for everyone. But when you are on medication the side effects can be horrendous. Please try to understand this.

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to magie06 For This Useful Post:

    OldMike (17-05-18),Suzi (17-05-18)

  9. #517
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Jane Austen country
    Posts
    37,202
    For most people, once they recover from their first episode, it doesnít reoccur. For others, itís a lifelong battle. But that doesnít mean that itís always at crisis. I can have months or years when Iím stable - though Iím never fully well I can cope with most of my life and am, generally, happy. And Iíve got a good life with people I love.

    Despite all youíve said over the past few months, you truly donít seem to accept that heís ill and needs your care - your focus is predominantly on the impact on your life. Youíre impatient, after only 2 months itís far too early to know when heís going to recover and whether heís going to struggle in the future. Your focus should be on getting him well not on whether youíre going to have sex again.
    Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to Paula For This Useful Post:

    OldMike (17-05-18)

  11. #518
    I never said I am focused on if I will ever have sex again.. Physical intimacy isn't just about sex.. it's things like holding each other again.. Kissing each other.. Holding hands.. Things like that.. I've mentioned both of our fears about being able to start a family and get married etc but you've completely overlooked that and just assumed it's about sex...

    What more care do you recommend then I do then..? What am I not doing that I should be doing then..? I make sure hes eating.. Sleeping.. Taking care of himself.. And so on.. I've asked countless times what I can do to help and taken various bits of advice.. My focus isn't on my life it's on ours because ultimately it's something that affects us both..

    I only expressed a fear and worry.. I am allowed to be scared and worried surely..

  12. #519
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Surrey. UK
    Posts
    69,728
    Sweetheart I didn't mean to scare you. Marc and I have been together for over 19 years, in that time we've had 3 children, got married, moved house 7 times, dealt with 2 breakdowns, long term physical illnesses, 3 c sections, 3 breast operations, my Mother, his mother and father and so much more. Sweetheart we have good days, bad days and great days - but that's the same with any couple who've been together as long as we have.
    There's only us, There's only this, Forget regret, Or life is your to miss,
    No other road, No other way, No day but today. (Rent. Jonathan Larson)

    Look! I'm walking a marathon in May for the British Heart Foundation!
    Sponsor me if you fancy! No pressure, cheerleaders needed too!

    https://mymarathon18.everydayhero.com/uk/s-shaw

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Suzi For This Useful Post:

    Hereforyou (17-05-18)

  14. #520
    I think that's all I am scared about Suzi... All of the things we planned for the future now seem so far away because he doesn't feel well enough (understandably) ... And I don't know if I would be able to cope with the rest of my life with everyday how it has been because I miss what we had..

    Today he made a negative comment about himself and I tried my best to be positive with him.. He said things like it not being fair on me and how I've always had to "deal with his crap".. I told him that it didn't matter and that there are times when he has had to and will have to do the same if not more for me.. When he said he won't get better I tried to reassure him in the way Paula said and told him it's too soon and we've tried too little to say he won't recover...

    I kept telling him how I believe in him and I believe he will get better and how in sickness and in health I still love him...

    I hope those are the right types of things to say...

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •