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Thread: boyfriends depression breaking my heart SU trigger

  1. #251
    I dress nicely in general.. I am not a "jeans and a t-shirt" type of person so anywhere I go I try to look my best....

    He said he wouldn't have been comfortable going out for dinner after work together as he would be wearing his work uniform covered in muck and I would look nice but said if I took him clothes it wouldn't be an issue because he would also look nice...

    I don't understand why the present would have resulted in him being teased..? It was a mug from the disney store and it was in a shopping bag so it's not like I got him a teddy or something and no one saw it.. I also wasn't standing right outside the site I was just down the road from it.....

    I didn't know me just being there in general would be an issue but I did know dinner after work without a change of clothes would be... That's not what I did though and I certainly don't think it warrants him being abusive and aggressive 2 days in a row and sulking.....

    I also don't even see why it's an issue in the first place.. He should be proud of me if that's the case...

  2. #252
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Is this something youd done before? If not, could he potentially have seen this as you being provocative?
    Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. Arthur Ashe

  3. #253
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Building sites are notoriously difficult and I know that my Dad never wanted Mum anywhere near them.... I am sure that's he is proud of you, but there is a difference between that and having other men letch over you...
    There's only us, There's only this, Forget regret, Or life is your to miss,
    No other road, No other way, No day but today. (Rent. Jonathan Larson)

  4. #254
    I've met him from work before and it's never been an issue.. Albeit it wasn't right outside of the site but I've still met him from work..

    I can somewhat understand why he didn't want me there but I don't think it was fair for him to speak to me in such a way and to continue to make me feel bad despite apologising the day before.... And completely disregard the fact I tried to do something nice in the first place....

    He's still sulking even now... Left this morning without so much of a hug or kiss or even a "love you".. I ignored him because I was upset with being spoken to so badly and he ignored me because his work colleagues made him feel bad...

  5. #255
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    No, being abusive and aggressive 2 days in a row isn't on, but I think you need to try and see it from his point of view.

    It isn't a case of him not being proud of you. I will admit that I have it easier than you as me and my partner both have depression and anxiety so we both understand how bad it can get for the other, and of course, I'm only guessing based on my own experiences so I could be wrong but bear with me...

    I'm quite a big girl and I've been blessed with very large boobs so I actually look in proportion! I'm apparently also pretty. I use kik messenger a lot and did have a selfie as my profile pic. I was inundated with messages from men I didn't know, telling me they thought I was fit, that my boobs were awesome among other stuff and then sending me a dick pic. My partner knows as I have always been honest with him and it upsets him because how he sees it is that I am not just a pair of boobs to be objectified, but I am an intelligent woman, there is an awesome person behind all the physical stuff (his words not mine!).

    Now my partner only heard about it second hand from me and it upset him. Imagine your bf hearing that kind of stuff repeatedly in person, how hard that must be as if he had objected much, he would have probably been ribbed even more. Now imagine hearing all that while feeling utter e and having to expend so much energy pretending to be ok while still trying to do your job. Imagine hearing all that while trying to hide that you feel like there's no joy in the world and feeling like there never will be again.

    Depression is not always rational, it can make the smallest thing seem huge. Our reactions can be out of proportion. He obviously loves you and wants to prevent them leering at you again, he just might not be going about it the right way.
    Tn prdu, jhami s rcbro

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  7. #256
    When you put it like that I guess I can understand a bit.. He gets annoyed when we walk past people and they just look at me.. It just annoyed me that I apologised when I did it on Tuesday.. And then he must have had an argument at work yesterday and tried to make me feel bad about it again.....

    I am not really too sure what to do now.. We spent all day yesterday in separate rooms because he had upset me so much.. And the way he was this morning was also upsetting too..

  8. #257
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Whether its rational or not, you upset him and its human nature to respond in kind. I know its not something that comes naturally to most people but I think you need to swallow your pride and try to make up. Ive been with my husband almost 20 years and sometimes thats all you can do - whether youre right or wrong
    Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. Arthur Ashe

  9. #258
    But I didn't personally do anything to upset him .. And I already apologised and he continued to carry it on a day later and was rude about it...

    I am fine apologising but I don't feel it's reasonable to let him "get away" with being rude and aggressive and dragging it on for another day despite me apologising already...

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