Page 51 of 63 FirstFirst ... 41495051525361 ... LastLast
Results 501 to 510 of 626

Thread: boyfriends depression breaking my heart SU trigger

  1. #501
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Surrey. UK
    Posts
    73,282
    Quote Originally Posted by Hereforyou View Post
    Well yes of course I have.. He has had depression for over 2 months now and I haven't spent every day or even every week asking him to make decisions.. But considering the way he was acting this last week I think those questions needed to be asked and I do feel like I have every reason to ask those questions..

    If he wants to go surely he can make a decision to just go..?
    Hold on - right now I doubt he even knows whether he is hungry or thirsty or if he wants tea or coffee and you think he's in a fit state to make such a monumental decision? I don't think you're being fair to him at all with that comment actually.
    No, he shouldn't have done those things, but you shouldn't have "gone on and on" about going with him to the paintballing and the Drs when he'd made himself crystal clear that he didn't want you to go.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hereforyou View Post
    I can't help but feel like right now I've made the wrong decision by staying with him.. He seemed so angry and miserable yesterday.. He talks about knowing we aren't acting like a couple but does nothing to change it.. He's done things purposely to hurt to me and even admitted it.. He's said he's realised he's ruined everything but doesn't comfort me or do anything to make me feel better.. He talks about not knowing if he still loves me or just knowing he once used to...
    Actually most therapists - and us - recommend NOT making such massive and life changing decisions when they are so poorly.

    Is this all part of the depression or am I holding out for a love that's already lost...???
    What is it you want him to do to "change it?" I don't think you understand quite what he's dealing with right now.
    I truly am sorry you are struggling but I think your main focus right now needs to be getting him more stable and more able to deal with this rather than you needing comforting.. I do truly understand as I've been there and I know how much it hurts - but he's no where near ready to make those decisions you want..
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to Suzi For This Useful Post:

    S deleted (16-05-18)

  3. #502
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Jane Austen country
    Posts
    39,288
    I know you’re not married but, if you were, you’d have made vows to be with each other in sickness and in health. To me, if you’re in a long term relationship, living together, there should be that intention there. This is his sickness. You’ve been a member here for two months and posted over 230 comments. In all that time I’ve not once felt that you came here trying to understand what he’s going through but that your focus has been on what you’re going through. You won’t like hearing this and for that I apologise as I don’t want to hurt you but you run the very real risk of losing someone you care for deeply - you have to change how you think about this.
    Come on everybody, join in the QUIZ, I need the competition!

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to Paula For This Useful Post:

    S deleted (16-05-18)

  5. #503
    I didn't go on about going paintball with him.. He couldn't make up his mind but when he did make up his mind I left him to it and didn't mention it again.. Yes I did go on again about going to the doctors with him but I tried to apologise but instead was met with anger and abuse..

    I want him to at least try.. He van go to the pub and "try" to be normal with his friends because he's having a drink.. He can talk to these women in the cafe and tell them he's depressed and stuff.. He can tell this woman a comforting remark when she's feeling down.. But he can't even do anything similar for me.. He can't even tell me that he doesn't want to lose me..

    My brother is fuming with him and thinks that he had every intention to do something with this woman.. He's also even more upset that he didn't leave paintball when he suspected I thought he was cheating..

    I just want to feel loved.. I want to feel like this woman would never come between us because she means nothing.. Instead I feel like there's potential that she may not mean nothing..

    I completely agree with what you're saying paula as I feel the same when it comes to long term relationships.. And I had every intention to marry this man..

    You're right I don't understand what he's going through.. And it breaks my heart to feel like he's using an illness as a get out of jail free card because he is acting like an idiot..

  6. #504
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Surrey. UK
    Posts
    73,282
    I don't know why this woman has upset you so much? Why don't you trust him? - Before the last weeks lie...
    Sweetheart he shouldn't have to pretend to you - you're meant to love him and support him even when knowing how bad he's feeling.

    If you don't think that you can get through this as a couple - have you thought about relationship counselling? It might help both of you to say safely what's in your heads and see if you can work it out...

    ETA I don't think ANYONE would suffer the way he sounds as if he is as a "get out of jail free card." That's a really harsh thing to say...
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Suzi For This Useful Post:

    OldMike (16-05-18)

  8. #505
    I didn't trust him entirely no.. In August I found out he had previously messaged an old friend of his some really inappropriate messages.. I forgave him and agreed to take him back however it still remains in my head...

    When he started to show signs of being depressed her had just met this girl from the cafe.. He purposely "set me up" to prove I was spying on his Facebook by looking her up.. The following day he then removed our relationship status off of Facebook to as he knew it would upset me.. When I questioned if anything was going on with this girl he flipped and went nuts claiming he wasn't happy and was miserable..

    After a while I decided to let it go but then he still continued to see her at work obviously on a daily basis..

    What upsets me the most is that I told him he put an idea in my head and I couldn't get it out because he couldn't comfort me.. I told him I felt insecure about it and even when he talked about her at home once I asked how close they were and he told me that they weren't at all and she just serves him food..

    When he started lying it made me really upset because he kept lying and going back to where they all work.. And then learning he upset me so that he could go to a bar knowing she would be there (even planning to go there) despite me saying I felt uncomfortable about her it makes me feels like he's betrayed me to hang around with her..

    And then learning that he's been talking to her about what's going on makes me feel betrayed.. He says he never told her he didn't love me but I can't understand why she would say that..

    I've mentioned relationship counselling in the past when this first started and he said no because we aren't a 50 year old couple but I do think it would help us..

    I know it probably sounds horrible.. But I don't feel like he's taking responsibility for when he's being unfair or upsetting people...

  9. #506
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Surrey. UK
    Posts
    73,282
    Can I be honest? Sweetheart if he's done so many things to deliberately upset you, is it worth carrying on with the relationship? I know my husband and I have never deliberately hurt each other and we've been together for 19+ years...
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to Suzi For This Useful Post:

    OldMike (16-05-18)

  11. #507
    I don't know.. He says it's the depression not making him think straight and giving him a bad attitude.. He never did things to deliberately hurt me before he got ill..

    My head is all over the place.. I've got some people telling me they think he's lying about his depression.. Some people telling me he wouldn't make excuses.. And some people telling me we can work through things.. This is such a nightmare...

  12. #508
    Moderator of Awesomeness magie06's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Galway, Ireland
    Posts
    15,320
    My husband and I are together 21 years since March. When I have a crisis, he says he still loves me. We will be married 17 years in June, and we're going through couples counselling atm. I asked him to come with me because I had all sorts of things going through my head. He didn't know half of what was/is in my head but we are working through it.
    It's very hard to be going through a crisis and have a 'normal' relationship.
    When does your b/f see a doctor again?

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to magie06 For This Useful Post:

    OldMike (16-05-18)

  14. #509
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Jane Austen country
    Posts
    39,288
    ‘Lying about his depression’? As someone with depression it’s those sorts of comments that can make my life hell. The idea that people with depression are making this up contributes to 90% of people with MH illness being discriminated against. Which is what this forum fights against every day.
    Come on everybody, join in the QUIZ, I need the competition!

  15. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Paula For This Useful Post:

    Jaquaia (16-05-18),OldMike (16-05-18),S deleted (17-05-18)

  16. #510
    Moderator OldMike's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    Off his tree in Manchester UK
    Posts
    10,812
    As someone who has suffered from depression of varying intensity for 20+ years and probably a lot longer if truth were known, there is no quick fix and anti-depressants can take typical 4-6 weeks before they start to take effect, and sometimes if my personal experience is anything to go by can take a lot longer.

    More often it is a long haul in which some people become totally well again in other cases it is just a matter of managing the depression and giving the person a reasonable quality of life.

    I live alone so I can't give much advice on relationships. If you listen to Paula and Magie who are both in relationships and have children and go through the hell of depression, the support of their husbands gives them both tremendous help.

    The last thing anyone wants who is suffering from depression is to be told they are making it up and it is there fault because they're not trying to get better because all that is nonsense.

    It's an illness that can happen to anyone and more often than not doesn't even seem to make sense, when your mind turns against you, you end up continually fighting against your own mind which is exhausting.
    71 and counting, less of the "Old" call me "Mike"
    ~~~ Please check out the latest QUIZ (Fun and Games > Quiz) I'm sure you'll find it fun. ~~~

  17. The Following User Says Thank You to OldMike For This Useful Post:

    Paula (16-05-18)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •