Hello

I’ve suffered with depression most of my life. I’m 41 now. I grew up in a chaotic home with an alcoholic dad and a mum shutting off all our emotions. I have such low self esteem. I achieve well on the outside as I am so well organised and push myself. But that’s just a symptom of my childhood - trying to control the chaos. I also have chronic migraines which has been nearly 15 years. I have been to my GP so many times and just keep getting prescribed anti depressants. I’ve been on them for over a decade. I’ve never had counselling. I am desperate to talk to someone but I can’t afford it. I self referred to my local mental health team and although they initially said I qualified for counselling they then only offered me 3 group cbt sessions. They even apologised they couldn’t do more but they just don’t have the funding. I was on a train today googling ways to help myself - again. And I found this forum.

I have tried so many times to beat this. To meditate, eat more fruit, be grateful, do the things I enjoy.... and it’s just making so little difference. I don’t have the energy to keep doing it. It feels more like I’m trying to distract myself than ever having a day when I feel happy, or worry free.

Any advice anyone? Thanks in advance. Hope you are all okay x