Hi there, I’m a relatively new member on here but I’ve been reading for the past week so I thought I’d post and introduce myself.

I’m a guy in my mid 30’s and I’ve dealt with depression off and on for much of my life, even when I was quite small tbh. I’ve always pushed it down or dissmissed it as a self-indulgance. That said, suicidal thoughts and self-harm have also been a part of who I am for almost as long – in terms of the latter I don’t do that kind of thing anymore but I am ashamed of the scars that it’s left behind and I doubt they will ever completely go away.

Unfortunately though you can only push things down and carry on regardless for so long. About 6 months ago cracks began to form and once again it all came flooding back to the fore
. This time I decided to actually seek help and for the last few months I’ve been both seeing a councillor and taking antidepressants. I think they’ve helped a bit but ultimately I feel they’ve changed nothing. I’ve never felt comfortable in the world but I now find myself feeling increasingly disconnected, hopeless, disassociated, and wanting nothing more than to hide away in the dark and disappear. Obviously this has caused problems with relationships and to an extent family – even those that know why can’t really understand or properly empathise unless they have experienced something similar themselves, which most haven’t…

The fact of the matter is that I just don’t really want to speak to anyone anymore, even when at work (which is awkward as I work in the heritage sector with the public) both because I don't want to be unintentionally off with people that don't deserve it and because I really can't be bothered faking hapiness for people that just wouldn't get it if I explained how I really felt. So that being the case I wondered if there were any depression related forums of online communities out there and lo and behold I came across this site with what appears to be a reasonably active and friendly community of users. So here I am.
Hi…



Thanks,
Luke