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Thread: Back here again

  1. #1
    QPRFan
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    Back here again

    Hi all

    Not really been here as apart from a wobble I've been coping ok . But now I'm back on the bench signed off for 3 weeks with low mood and work related stress and back on citalopram.

    I was ok for 3 years now I'm not . How'd I get here? Work has been full on in my new senior role with a team of 9 for 9 months . Four hour commute working at home and weekends and not able to switch off or sleep with anxiety through the workload I have and no space to ask for help as we've no budget for staff. So no sleep, anxiety and crying and isolating myself. Went to the doctor not my Normal GP who wasn't great. I'm struggling . Was at doctors two weeks ago for something else and was I thought coping , two weeks later I'm not and need help. He made me feel a fraud and a time waster. I'll mention this at review with my GP who is excellent .

    The guilt is unbearable, I feel a failure and worthless again. I need to get out of the circumstance and environment that make me feel that way. Still yet to talk to boss that'll happen Monday . If you've got this far thanks for reading . Now going to rest and cry with my dog .

    I feel such a burden on everyone .

  2. #2
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Oh I’m so sorry, lovely. It sounds like you weren’t able to look after yourself well enough for too long ....... it’s so hard to strike the right balance and I really hope a few weeks at home will help you recharge
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

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  4. #3
    QPRFan
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    Thanks Paula .

    I really haven't been but didn't notice how bad it was till my wife told me. I think I've got it early enough to not hit a crisis or get really bad . We'll see.

  5. #4
    QPRFan
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    Does anyone have experience of CBT delivered by telephone?

  6. #5
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Welcome back lovely. I wish that things were brighter for you. Sorry that the Dr you saw wasn't brilliant and I think you are right to mention it when you get to see your own GP.
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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  8. #6
    QPRFan
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    Thanks Suzi .

    I will definitely made me very upset and more guilty . One of the features of what happens for me is that I function and hide my problems but that effort is exhausting and that's where I am now . Sat with dog on sofa. Went shopping with my OH lasted 35-40 minutes but then wanted to leave kept it in as we were nearly done . Calling the CBT people on Mobday. I need to realise in future I think that I matter - my personality puts eneryone else's needs first . I need to put me first more but I find that so so hard.

  9. #7
    QPRFan
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    Really struggling today was meant to be going to a conference I can't face it just now . Might feel better and go to afternoon session of it. But I'm just choc full of guilt and sadness and worry that I can't move . I feel empty . I need to do something to get me out of the house but I feel safe and warm here . What would I leave. I'll walk the dog around the block shortly. Feel on the edge of breaking down all the time. It's like all the stuff I was pretending wasn't there is all coming out at the same time . I feel a failure and that I'm letting everyone down and my anxiety is paralysing me.

  10. #8
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    If your weather is like ours then I don't blame you for not wanting to go out!
    Sounds like you need to talk to those around you more about how you are actually feeling. I know that Marc and I have developed a system so if he feels that he needs to get out of the shop etc he'll tell me, I'll cut it short and pay and follow him out... But we do the majority of our shopping online so we don't have to deal with supermarkets which can be a massive trigger for his anxiety etc
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  11. #9
    QPRFan
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    Ta Suzi .

    Swithering over going out . Will need to decide soon. I've lost just under a stone in the last two weeks (I am overweight though ). So I really haven't been looking after myself at all. Sometimes 1 meal a day sometimes none . Just had a pastry for breakfast my OH brought in . May or may not eat tonight . Mother's Day tomorrow hard as I lost mum years ago. Still hurts Mother's Day day out tomorrow .

  12. #10
    QPRFan
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    Should have added the weight loss to my fab five .

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