Hi, so I had been dealing with things well and my situation seemed to be improving. Outside professionals seemed to be putting the things into place for my employer to take control of the situation and sort things for me to help me get back to work.

How wrong/naive you can be!!

Turn up for a meeting at work which I was led to believe was a 1:1 with the Head to discuss my job description. If spoken to my union and reassured then that I had been told it was a 1:1 and to make things fair I would go by myself. WRONG!!! I turn up and the head says I thought you would have your rep with you and I said why when it's just a 1:1. She took me to her office for me to find HR are in the room. No-one told me this. I panicked and sat down in complete bewilderment. I said I was told it was a 1:1 and if I'd known I'd have brought my union rep with me. HR said they had contacted my union and left a message saying that they would be in attendance and would my rep like to attend and my rep didn't get back to them.

What the he'll is this!!! I want to get things sorted to go back to work. There was no offer of me getting a colleague into the room either. I'm sat down, there are students in the corridor outside I'm panicking, I'm anxious and I'm stressed but I cannot move and I have obviously said at some point that I am ok to go ahead with the meeting!!!

Supposedly the meeting went well and I did manage to get some of my points across. We even discussed my phased return which again I just did to please them.

So now why am I feeling I have gone completely backwards, I feel completely useless, I obviously can't say what I need to say or want to say. I stop myself from saying things in case I offend them. Why am I protecting everybody else but not myself. I came home and cried for hours and then began to think that my life is not worth living and I'm probably better off dead as it seems like the only thing that will stop me feeling like this. Thankfully, I phoned my mom to come and sit with me as I knew it would be better if I wasn't on my own at this really low point.

Why would anybody treat someone like this when they're feeling like this. I don't understand anymore.

I don't trust my employer anymore!!! I don't trust HR anymore. I had to listen to some lies being told to me and not be able to do anything about it. Why would I trust someone who lies and why would I trust someone who misleads.

Really not sure what to do but work are now expecting me in on Monday for half a day. I'm not going in that day and just waiting for my union rep to get back to me.