Page 1 of 13 12311 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 128

Thread: What does he mean?

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    follow the yellow brick road and through the door to narnia there you will find my wonderland
    Posts
    128

    What does he mean?

    Hi all,

    I am a little nervous about posting, as letís face it I donít want to hear something that will hurt me but at the same time I want to understand and get some clarification.

    I am not really sure where to start but here goes. I am 32 my boyfriend is turning 50 this year. We have been together almost 2 years and went through a similar situation to this around the same time last year. My boyfriend advised me when we first started dating that he suffered from SADS and I am extremely supportive, give him space when he needs it and never put any pressure on him. To the point that we never really discuss a future or moving in together etc. At times I do feel like I am walking on eggshells at times but the past week or so he has been in a real grump. We had been away with friends for a few days and he always does tend to struggle with being around people for too long so he was distant when we initially came home. However he went out with a friend and had drinks on Thursday and he believes this friend (he has told me) suffers from bi polar but is undiagnosed. His friend was having a rough time so agreed to go for some drinks to chat. He ensured his friend didnít drink much but he drank too much as a result so was feeling tender the next day (he doesnít deal with hangovers very well). My BF advised me he felt drained after seeing his friend and was going to use a mediation app before bed (he later told me he hadnít). So Friday when he was hungover we went for lunch and he was on his phone the whole time and later I dropped him home and said Iíd cook us tea as he said he would stay at mine for the weekend as he went out with his friend (to make up for it) and we were meant to be at an engagement party of another of his friends this evening. He didnít come round last night, he was hinting that he didnít want to do I asked if we were to cancel and he agreed. I got annoyed and upset which I normally donít react this way as I understand how he is when he is hungover but I was upset. I called him selfish and that he was not thinking about how I felt. He snapped and got angry and ignored me all evening. I tried to call and after the third time he picked up only to shout and then hang up on me. I messaged him and said it was silly to argue over such a little thing and he said I was overthinking everything and that we would talk today as he was in a foul mood. I tried calling and txting this morning to which he again ignored but then finally rang me back to say that he was finding our relationship difficult. Iíll admit Iím not proud but I then hung up on him and txt him to say if he wanted to break up with me he should have the decency to tell me to my face.

    He ignored me for a good while and then replied saying he wanted space he is finding our relationship stressful he didnít want any confrontation or arguing and just wanted space to sort himself out. I replied and asked him what space meant but he just used the word again......has he broken up with me? What should I do? I am mad at him but I love him so much and am not sure if he wants me to hang around for him or not?

    Iím absolutely breaking inside and feel I have no one to talk to, can anyone advise me at all.

    Thank you so much in advance

  2. #2
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Jane Austen country
    Posts
    40,478
    Hi and welcome. No one except your boyfriend can tell you what he means but depression in any form does often cause us to push the people we care about away. It is tough for our friends and family to deal with and sometimes things just donít work out. Having said that, it can work. My husband and I are stronger because we were able to work things through. You need to have a proper conversation with your boyfriend and ask him whatís going on, if he needs space perhaps he needs to give you an idea of the boundaries of that?

    Iíve deleted 3 other duplicate threads youíve started
    ĎWhen all else fails, use glitter insteadí

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Paula For This Useful Post:

    Niffler (17-02-18)

  4. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    follow the yellow brick road and through the door to narnia there you will find my wonderland
    Posts
    128
    Thanks for your reply Paula and apologies for submitting 3 (I wasn't sure if it was working until I asked someone in another thread and they said its when you can get to them!). The last message he sent said sorry but its what he needs, I had tried to ask what he meant in the one prior to that and he didn't really clarify. I had drafted up a heartfelt message but am conscious he has asked for space and do not want to send it to him......what is best to do, wait a few days? I think it is something we can work through. It seems to be the exact same time as last year. We had been away with the same friends then and he had gotten really grumpy when we got home. So I'm not sure if things are just getting on top of him at the moment and instead of riding it out he is pushing me away....as I am the easy option because I am so patient. The last time this happened he came around to talk through with me and it was good but this time he wont even answer the phone and talk to me properly.

  5. #4
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Surrey. UK
    Posts
    75,085
    Hi and welcome. It can work when one partner has depression/associated illnesses. It's worked with me and my (now) husband. We've known each other for just over 20 years and it's taken some pain, some treading on eggshells but most of all talking. We talk all the time.
    You could try writing him an email or a letter and putting in there what you are saying to us, but then it's there and he can read it and reread it as much as needed and you can say everything you need without an argument..


  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Suzi For This Useful Post:

    Niffler (17-02-18)

  7. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    follow the yellow brick road and through the door to narnia there you will find my wonderland
    Posts
    128
    Thanks Suzi, the message I had drafted up was kinda heartfelt but maybe needs a little tweaking to say exactly what I want/feel. I'm struggling this time around because I am always so patient I feel guilty for even saying anything but I was just upset and disappointed that's why I had said I think it is all a little silly. Only a few weeks back he was saying how much he loved my patience and for the first time ever had mentioned something in passing to someone about us living together. I know in the past his relationships haven't lasted long (few months) and when he is having bad days when he actually talks to me he says how not everyone would put up with him. My response is always just a jokey 'it's a good job I love you then' but he doesn't talk enough. Feelings are hard for him. I don't think he realises how much I understand him.

    Question is do I give him a few days, as I feel it will all fall on deaf ears at the minute?

    It's nice to have people who understand listening, friends don't understand and wonder why I haven't ended things before now.

  8. #6
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Jane Austen country
    Posts
    40,478
    Sweetie, however you decide to deal with this, the most important thing is you look after yourself and be kind to you
    ĎWhen all else fails, use glitter insteadí

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Paula For This Useful Post:

    Niffler (17-02-18)

  10. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    follow the yellow brick road and through the door to narnia there you will find my wonderland
    Posts
    128
    Quote Originally Posted by Paula View Post
    Sweetie, however you decide to deal with this, the most important thing is you look after yourself and be kind to you
    I know, that's the hard part at the moment.....

  11. #8
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Jane Austen country
    Posts
    40,478
    Thatís what weíre here for, to support you through this
    ĎWhen all else fails, use glitter insteadí

  12. #9
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Surrey. UK
    Posts
    75,085
    Maybe you need to take the emphasis away from him and focus, as Paula has suggested on you. What about ice cream and a movie, or a hot bath or a good night in/out with some girlfriends?


  13. #10
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    follow the yellow brick road and through the door to narnia there you will find my wonderland
    Posts
    128
    So I'll leave him a few days I think, then see how I feel and take Suzi's advice. I have always been an advocate of communication. I know no one is perfect with it at all times but airing things out always helps and I'm just so hurt that he's pushing me away when he knows this. It feels to me like maybe he's never had that before and now he has got it he doesn't know what to do with it.

    I'm worried about him. He stubborn and independent on the surface but when he is low I know he needs someone.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •