Well my mum bakes and is making his cousins birthday cake. I had messaged his mum to get her partners number as he is organising it and I have taken myself off social media since this all happened because I can’t bear to see anything. She responded with the number and just said she’s sorry as her and his dad had bumped into him at the super market. We usually go round to hers on a Sunday night for tea so he’ll be there tonight. She said she didn’t know details but that it was none of her business. I just replied thanking her for the number and letting her know that I would never do that as putting her in the middle isn’t fair. She just replied saying it wasn’t that, it’s just that she didn’t think he would like her interfering. Which I know he wouldn’t and I get that because I wouldn’t either. I haven’t replied since as I don’t think there is any need to.

Right now I’m hurting, I’m hurting because I’m not really sure how he is and want to talk to him but I know that’s not good for me because it’ll make me hope. I know he hasn’t responded yet and that’s even if he’s going to but I think I am fooling myself. Hope is a very powerful thing isn’t it, and if you don’t have it life would be pretty sad but having sometimes really sucks as it makes things harder. Does that make sense?! I am keeping busy as is a must for break ups but this doesn’t feel right to me. And I’m not saying it has to for it to be right for him. I’m just confused I guess. During his ups and his downs he always loved the fact that I took care of him and I just wish he would have been able to tell me when he felt this pressure building as re-reading Stella’s post it is kind of sinking in that although he doesn’t want to be alone any pressure is hard for him......the letter I wrote had all my feelings down and how I wanted to support him but couldn’t be friends and I suppose never say never is true. But if I am not there for him now who’s to say he would ever want to open up to me again in the future.

I know I am waffling and all I really want is for him to reply to my message and say he is just having a tough time but really does need me in his life and sees a further with me. Because he has said it to me just recently......