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Thread: I have depression with good reason! **AB trigger**

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  1. #1

    I have depression with good reason! **AB trigger**

    Okay so bare with me here. I'm a 28 year old male who has been extremely unlucky in love my whole life. I will explain the basics or you will be reading this all day.

    At the age of 20 I had my first ever real girlfriend and we were together for almost 1 year, one day out of the blue she Cheated on me and I was absolutely devistated. I ended the relationship and we went our separate ways. Then from 20 to the age of 24 I was single, I had very little in the way of flings and just lost all motivation and trust to ever date again.

    So at the age of 24 a girl at work suddenly shows an interest me in, makes suggestive comments and even said I should take her for a drive. I wasn't sure about this at first but decided to do it anyway. So long story short 3 weeks later, yes 3 weeks I get accused of abduction, false imprisonment and attempted rape which I didn't do! I'm then on bail for just over a year before being charged. Now I was being tried at court for attempted rape, abdication and false imprisonment and I thought my life was over. Anyway the police made an offer.. Plead guilt to a crime of sexual assault only and its less serious etc etc.

    So I had a choice. Plead guilty to sexual assault which I didn't do or go to trail for abduction, false imprisonment and attempted rape? I took the former option as it felt the best outcome in a bad situation. Anyway I received a 7 month prison sentence.. Did the time, left and got my life back in track.

    So in mid 2015 I met someone else, purely by accident and we hit it off stupendously. After a few days I told her about the prison sentence and she saw the good in me and we dated. Now she was in the UK on a working visa but intended to apply for a full visa. She had a 2 year old daughter at the time to a non existent father and I bonded with her so well. Eventually we moved in together and from 2015 to 2017 we were together as a family. We did absolutely everything together. She often told me how wonderful I am and how much she loves me and I was so happy to think, wow life has been but this woman is the one. And her kid.. I love them so much and I want this life and for 2 years I was extremely happy.

    Anyway in 2017 her visa expired and the government suddenly decide she isn't eligible for another one and had to return back to South africa. I was gutted as I actually love her and her daughter an much.

    Becuase of my criminal record now I can't even move there to be with her and her daughter and she can't reapply for a visa her for 5 years! So the dream is over.

    She returned home in November and I'm absolutely the saddest /depressed I've ever been in my life. I've taken time off work. I Never go out anymore and I've cried every single day since the day she left.

    Before November I honestly thought I'd found the one and life was looking up.

    When does it get easier? I don't think I'll ever trust or love anyone as much as her

  2. #2
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. Iím so sorry youve had these struggles. How have you and your partner decided to move forward from this - have you decided that youíre not in a relationship now? If you love her, would you wait for her to be able to come back when the times right?

    A loss like this is a bereavement and you will need to allow yourself to grieve for what you hoped would be your life. Itís understandable to be depressed, have you spoken to your doctor?
    Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

  3. #3
    I went to make an appointment yesterday and I'm there on the 8th of March. The relationship is over and I don't know what to do.. I just think eventually she will move on but I love her so much

  4. #4
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome to DWD.
    I'm glad you've made an appointment - are you able to keep trying each morning for a cancellation or something?
    Are you able to try to keep the relationship going via letters, email, skype etc?
    There's only us, There's only this, Forget regret, Or life is your to miss,
    No other road, No other way, No day but today. (Rent. Jonathan Larson)

    Look! I'm walking a marathon in May for the British Heart Foundation!
    Sponsor me if you fancy! No pressure, cheerleaders needed too!

    https://mymarathon18.everydayhero.com/uk/s-shaw

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    Hi and welcome to DWD.
    I'm glad you've made an appointment - are you able to keep trying each morning for a cancellation or something?
    Are you able to try to keep the relationship going via letters, email, skype etc?
    Hi,
    We have done letters and things since November but it's the reality of knowing we can't even be together like we was. I just can't accept that and it's with me always. I. My actually of seeing a relationship counsoler as it's just in my head all the time and won't go away

  6. #6
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Depresseduser123 View Post
    Hi,
    We have done letters and things since November but it's the reality of knowing we can't even be together like we was. I just can't accept that and it's with me always. I. My actually of seeing a relationship counsoler as it's just in my head all the time and won't go away
    Long distance relationships are seriously tough. But they can work. I know it was a long time ago but I often think of my grandparents. My grandad went off to the Far East during WWII and ended up in a POW camp for the duration. My gran didnít know where he was or if he was alive until after the war ended and raised their young family alone. He had no way of knowing if he was ever going home. Yet they loved each other and years apart never changed that.
    Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Paula For This Useful Post:

    Suzi (13-02-18)

  8. #7
    Guardian of the North and kipper holder Angie's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome

  9. #8
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    That sounds reasonable. Are you sure that she's not worth waiting for and seeing if she can get that visa in time?

    I've added an AB Trigger warning to give other members a prior warning that you discuss Sexual Abuse in this thread.
    Last edited by Suzi; 13-02-18 at 04:22 PM.
    There's only us, There's only this, Forget regret, Or life is your to miss,
    No other road, No other way, No day but today. (Rent. Jonathan Larson)

    Look! I'm walking a marathon in May for the British Heart Foundation!
    Sponsor me if you fancy! No pressure, cheerleaders needed too!

    https://mymarathon18.everydayhero.com/uk/s-shaw

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