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Thread: Trigger Warning - I am not sure what I need to do

  1. #1
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    Trigger Warning - I am not sure what I need to do

    So battling for 25 years on and off and in that time I have had many "normal" years. This year has been hard. Suicide attempt this time last year. Virtually constant thoughts and 1 attempt in the last week. Since Friday when out with a Friend, I have been a complete mess. Crying nearly all day and trying to keep the kids from finding me. Admitted to my wife about the recent attempt. We called the crisis line and I feel okay now. They are calling back in the morning as mornings are always much worse.
    In the time I have had this, I have always maintained work and never missed more than a couple of days. I have always regarded work as what has kept me from failing completely. I also have no wish to be at home alone without work, so torn between taking time off and the anguish of returning or pushing on. The lows I have felt this week are way beyond what I have had before.
    I honestly do not know what to do. I am scared of myself but almost more scared of waking to another day of mental horror.

  2. #2
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Big hugs, lovely and well done for talking to your wife and the crisis team. Can you please make an urgent appt with your GP and, until you see a doctor, if things get too much please get to a&e?
    Come on everybody, join in the QUIZ, I need the competition!

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    Grey haze (20-01-18)

  4. #3
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    I will but I am not sure what my options are. I feel absolutely hopeless to be honest. I know this is all in my head and I just dont think I have it in me to get well. I feel like I have been beaten.

  5. #4
    Moderator of Awesomeness magie06's Avatar
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    Thank you for saying this on the forum. I feel the exact same way. I've been feeling 'off' since Christmas and this past week has been hell. BUT I made an appointment with my GP and with the people in the Day Hospital who treat mental health. I've been put onto some Benzo's to cover me over the weekend, and I've the support of a mental health nurse calling me today and tomorrow. But it's still very hard. Even with all the support it's damn hard. The MHN has made an appointment to see the pdoc next Wednesday and I'm already dreading it. I have a feeling I know what's coming but I won't know for sure until Wednesday.

    Please make contact with your GP. It's a great starting point and they will point you in the right direction. It doesn't always mean meds, but it is good to have the support.

  6. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to magie06 For This Useful Post:

    Grey haze (20-01-18),Jaquaia (20-01-18),Paula (21-01-18),Suzi (21-01-18)

  7. #5
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    I will make an appointment, but my concern is do I take a break from work? My wife thinks not, I am scared to as I feel like it is the thin end of the wedge. My anxiety rockets when I have meetings and because my general anxiety is so high I worry the increase for the meetings will leave me wrecked. Because this is anxiety driven, I have always tried (mostly made it) to not avoid these situations.
    I'm so confused but feel I have to change something as I am heading downwards fast.

  8. #6
    Have you ever tried CBT? It sounds like something that could help possibly help you. I get how you feel about time off work but at the same time if it is contributing to the problem it may be sensible to take a break. If your condition impacts on your ability to do your job and that shows you could find yourself in hot water with the boss. Lots to consider but ultimately you have to do what’s right for you.

  9. #7
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hunni, if you had flu you’d take time off work, if you broke your leg you would too. Maybe some time off would give you the resources you need to nip this in the bud
    Come on everybody, join in the QUIZ, I need the competition!

  10. #8
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I completely agree with the others - at least see your GP and talk through the options.
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  11. #9
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    Today started badly for me again. Spent a good few hours in a real state. Unfortunately my kids were around and my wife had to explain what was wrong with me. My daughter was fine as she is 17 and had guessed all was not well, my son 13 took it badly and was upset. My wife contacted the crisis team who actually came to see me. It was a good few hours later so I was far less depressed, but still very anxious. They suggested that they would review the meds with their team and offered to come here for the next three days or by phone. I am intending on calling in sick to work Monday as I really can't face it. My brother and sister in law have asked me to stay with them for a week to try and get some space. I think my wife and children need a break from me as much as anything. I'm dreading taking time off as I have never done it before and I am worried that getting back will be hard, but hopefully the medication will start to work (day 8 of Sertraline 50mg). I usually hate staying away from home, but I feel this would work for me.

  12. #10
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I'm glad you asked for support and that the crisis team are helping.. I think staying off work and getting some help on this might be a good thing to do - Have you told your GP about how you are feeling?
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

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