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Thread: Breaking the barrier and seeking help? *SU TRIGGER

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    Breaking the barrier and seeking help? *SU TRIGGER

    I'm 23 years old and I've suffered from some form of depression since 16, probably earlier but 16 is when it started getting bad and what the first time I had a suicidal thought. I've had moments in which I've sat there with handfuls of pills crying and on the edge of just swallowing them all.

    I kept my thoughts and feelings to my self until I was around 20 when I opened up to be my best friends about it. Unfortunately he just doesn't understand and just says stuff like "it's just stress, well all get it" etc. I also can't this any of this with my family as my family are all very distant people and I was raised to keep your feelings to yourself.

    Due to the fact that I've kept it to myself I've always self medicated to keep it at bay. I've smoked weed since I was 16, mostly to help me to sleep as I get bad insomnia. For around a year and a half straight I would take LSD, and magic mushrooms about 2-3 times a week just to escape reality. I've abused pills, mainly diazepam.

    I managed to break free off all my habits because I was aiming to get into the army as I thought that would be my escape and the tough structure that I needed to get my life back on track as I used to to be well fit, focused and determined when I was younger. Unfortunately that fell through due to a previous injury.

    It's bout a year on now and mentally things are going downhill again. I'm back to smoking, recently started self medicating with Xanax, and now I'm have suicidal thoughts again. The worst part getting access to a drug to kill myself is extremely easy for me.

    Even as I type this I'm already on about 4mg of Xanax and I know it's just going to get worse because this is how my diazepam usage started.

    So for anything who has gone through something similar. How did you break the anxiety barrier of seeking help? I hate the idea of anyone knowing that I am mentally unstable, especially my family. I've taken multiple online tests and the all score every high, saying I have server depression and should seek help and that scares the out of me. My current mindset is I'd rather die than have people think I'm weak.
    Last edited by Jaquaia; 11-01-18 at 07:29 PM.

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