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Thread: Wanting to run away *SH trigger*

  1. #1
    Dark_Baphomet
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    Wanting to run away *SH trigger*

    Hi I have unwanted feelings a lot, like wanting to cut my hair off or self harm in horrific ways. I dont feel in control of anything in my life or in where my life is going and I just want to quit my job and uni and get on a plane going anywhere (preferably Spain has I can speak some Spanish and it's warmer there lol) never talk to anyone again, change my name, clothes everything, and leave everything behind. Except my bunny. But everything and everyone else, family friends ex's memories good and bad, I can't stand being in my own skin at the moment or in my mind and have this massive urge to just get out however I can even by dying, just so I'm free.
    Last edited by Paula; 07-01-18 at 10:46 AM. Reason: Added trigger warning as per DWD policy

  2. #2
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Iím so sorry youíre struggling like this. Big hugs, lovely When did you last see your doctor? Are you on any medication?

    Edit: Iíve added a trigger warning to your thread. No need to worry, it just lets other members know if thereís threads they may need to avoid.
    Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.

  3. #3
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Have you told this to your GP?
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

  4. #4
    Hey there,

    I'm so sorry to hear that you've been feeling this way. Please know that you are a worthwhile and wonderful person. You are not alone and my thoughts are with you. I hope you're feeling better this evening.

    I can definitely relate to the desire to run away. Especially to hot and sunny Spain, hey?

    I hope it's okay that I pick out some positives from your post. I know you must be feeling very overwhelmed just now and I hope that this may help.

    1. You DO value yourself. - You have posted here because you want to feel better which shows that you know you are worthy of feeling better.
    2. You have a desire to feel enjoyment. - I know you were joking about the Spain thing but the fact that you would like to go somewhere nice for you shows you DO care about yourself and that you DO want to feel better.
    3. Your bunny. - A positive that you have this cute furry friend and also it shows you are caring.
    4. You are capable, committed, hardworking and motivated - Being at university and having a job shows this.
    5. You have GOOD memories.
    6. You have friends and family (I'm sure this means you have had and still have some good relationships)
    7. You have us friendly folk on this forum who genuinely care about you and want to help!

    Totally agree with Suzi, pop to your GP and tell them how you're feeling.

    Is there anyone else you could share this with at uni or work or home?

    Feel free to share more if and when you feel able on here. My thoughts are with you.

    Take care of yourself,

    Em x

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to JustEM For This Useful Post:

    Suzi (07-01-18)

  6. #5
    Dark_Baphomet
    Guest
    Thank you. I have not told my gp of this yet. I find it hard to find the time as it's a way away. I'm on Citalopram 20mg but often forget to take it as I don't have the time to go and hand my prescription in or get my meds from my surgery..
    I'm trying to see if there is a reason for living, and my good memories make me sadder.
    I could tell my councillor but I'm not close to my family. I've told my ex and a friend or two

  7. #6
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    The thing is the meds take 4 - 6 weeks to get into your system if you take them at roughly the same time each day. Every time you miss a dose you won't feel that then most often you'll feel it weeks later. The more you miss doses the worse you're going to feel.
    I really think that you are going to need to get back to see your GP and tell them how you are feeling and take the meds properly..
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

  8. #7
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Suziís right, the meds are not going to work if you arenít consistent with taking them. If your GP isnít close enough, could you move to another surgery?
    Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.

  9. #8
    Hey,

    Hope you're feeling a brighter today. My thoughts are with you.

    If you don't have enough time to go to the GP, it seems that perhaps (and sorry to suggest this!) you're doing a bit too much right now. You need to ensure your health and happiness come first. Please make another appointment with your GP as soon as you can. Perhaps one of your friends you've told could even come with you to the appointment for support?

    Suzi and Paula are totally right about the need to persist with the medication. I know it can be tough but speaking also from my own experience, it really is so important. I've been on a specific med for over four months now consistently taking it each day and discussing my mood and any side effects with my GP once a month. Before that I have chopped and changed about with AD meds and trust me it didn't help me at all.

    Definitely open up to your councillor. Are you still having therapy?

    That's positive that you've been able to tell some of your friends, too. You can always talk to us here as well!

    There is ALWAYS a reason to live. Life is a gift given to each one of us and you deserve to be as happy and healthy as you can be and desire.

    What was it about the good memories that made them 'good'? If you're life now is lacking those things in the good memories, try to explore different ways that you could incorporate these things into your way of life now? E.g. These might be friendships, social activities, fun hobbies, a job you enjoyed etc.

    Hope some of this helps.

    Take care,

    Em xx

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to JustEM For This Useful Post:

    Suzi (08-01-18)

  11. #9
    Dark_Baphomet
    Guest
    Uh I felt like someone genuinely loved me, that's why I was happy, so dunno how to incoporate that into anything :/

    If I move surgeries I'd have to have a new doctor and open up to someone else which could take a long time
    Last edited by Suzi; 09-01-18 at 08:24 PM. Reason: Merging posts. Please try not to double post minutes apart. Thanks!

  12. #10
    Sometimes having a new dr makes it easier to open up. I know I found it a little easier when I changed surgery. It’s not easy to open up to anyone about what’s going on in your head but sometimes someone who doesn’t know you can help.

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