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Thread: Living nightmare- Trigger Warning

  1. #1

    Living nightmare- Trigger Warning

    Hi, my name is Lucy, I'm an arts student at uca canterbury, I also work at Sainsburys and gse group as an accounts assistant. My boyfriend recently left me and my family don't seem to care that much. I moved out of my mother's as she kicked me out to sell the house, moved into my nan's, she is very particular and everything has to be done a certain way and she would move and break my stuff randomly when I wasn't in. Mum said that because my nan is manic I had to move out, I had come off my motorcycle and broke my leg and dislocated my shoulder, so I had to look for flats alone on crutches and a walking boot. My ex has plans of moving to Japan and he is studying English with the OU and working full time at eurotunnel. I told him early on I wanted a kid eventually, not then but so he knew what I wanted, I knew about moving to Japan. He decided a year later he didn't want kids at all and recently decided he wants a vasectomy and for me to get sterilized or never to have sex again and then said actually he didn't love me and never really had it was just limerance. I talked to him about everything as I had no-one else and with him with me I wasn't healed magically but I could get through each day and was often happy. Now I have no-one, I live with my rabbit, my housemate won't pay her share of the bills or pay for her share of the internet bill. It seems everything is on me. I have an assessment this Friday at uni and don't k ow if I'll pass because I can't do any work outside of uni generally speaking. I am never inspired. My ex says I would be happy as I have my own place, got away from controlling family, I'm at uni, I have 2 jobs, I can save, but none of that matters to me because I am alone, and feel that love doesn't exist, happiness doesn't exist, you just get through and buy things like houses and pets and cars and bikes to try and fill the hole, but will never truly be happy. I've gone to my gp, am on meds, see a councillor, talk to friends, talk to the helplines, I have tried every suggestion I could find but everything is just washed out and grey and I'm just getting worse. My friends say even sectioning doesn't help you they just lock you in a room and give you drugs and CBT which doesn't work for me but it's the only thing available. It seems I'm a lost cause. Like a terminal cancer patient, no-one can cure me, I'm just waiting for it to kill me. I struggle to get up every day because my life is my own personal hell, if anyone has seen the first episode of season 4 of black mirror, it's exactly like that. Can anyone help..

  2. #2
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome to DWD. Sweetheart you don't have to deal with anything alone.
    How long have you been on meds? Which ones are you on?
    Have you spoken to your tutor and explained that you are struggling right now? Maybe ask for an extension?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  3. #3
    Um on and off for 4 years or so now, Citalopram 20mg I have spoken to my tutor, my councillor is at uni too, tutor said that she thought that I had enough work so I didn't bother with flagging up my issues and putting the assessment back, it's on Friday so don't think I can now anyway, just got to hope I can pass

  4. #4
    *can't

  5. #5
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Did you specifically tell your tutor you were struggling? You really need to, lovely, and it won’t be the first time she’s needed to support someone through this
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  6. #6
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    What about student services? There are people there to help. Look here, there are loads of options: http://www.uca.ac.uk/student-services/
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  7. #7
    Hey there,

    Things sound really overwhelming for you just now. But things can and will get better, I promise.

    Could you try taking some time out for you and breaking down the problems in order of which ones are affecting you most? Then you will be able to prioritise what you can overcome first.

    For example,

    Already, you have overcome the stress of finding somewhere to live. Do you feel able to express the necessity of your roommate stepping up? That's really not fair of them. Could a tutor or one of your friends be with you when you tell her if you think that would help you of course.

    I'm sorry to hear about your leg. How is it healing? It's really important that you take time for YOU to rest and do things you enjoy. I haven't watched Black Mirror, but whilst you're feeling low could you watch comedies and more lighthearted stuff that will only ever boost your mood?

    Really sorry to hear about your relationship not working out, but if you wanted different things then perhaps it was best to find out sooner rather than later on in the relationship? Is it unhelpful to you keeping in touch with your ex? If so then maybe limit contact or stop contact? You know what's best for you.

    Keep being open with your tutors. They are there to help and guide you. Do you think it's a bit much with the two jobs and uni and all this emotional stress? Could you limit the stress by reducing your hours or just having one job? You will have more time to just breathe when your stresses are limited.

    It's a positive that you do have friends around you. Have you shared how you're feeling with them?

    You said you've been feeling alone. Are there any different societies or clubs you could join at uni to meet new people and take your mind off things?

    Stick with the therapy and pop to see your GP again.

    Take care of yourself. Thinking of you xx

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  9. #8
    I have told her I'm struggling, we had a meeting

  10. #9
    I have told her repeatedly, landlord knows too. She gave me some money for the internet so that's something. It's healing okay but I haven't gone to physio appointments in months because no time. I don't know, I still love him and don't see that ever changing. I watch a range of things on Netflix but I'll try comedy see if it helps.
    Not really, it's a small uni, we don't really seem to have them. I signed up but never heard back from them so am not sure they exist. I'll try as I have 9 sessions I'm allowed, though it hasn't been helping so far

  11. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Dark_Baphomet View Post
    Hi, my name is Lucy, I'm an arts student at uca canterbury, I also work at Sainsburys and gse group as an accounts assistant. My boyfriend recently left me and my family don't seem to care that much. I moved out of my mother's as she kicked me out to sell the house, moved into my nan's, she is very particular and everything has to be done a certain way and she would move and break my stuff randomly when I wasn't in. Mum said that because my nan is manic I had to move out, I had come off my motorcycle and broke my leg and dislocated my shoulder, so I had to look for flats alone on crutches and a walking boot. My ex has plans of moving to Japan and he is studying English with the OU and working full time at eurotunnel. I told him early on I wanted a kid eventually, not then but so he knew what I wanted, I knew about moving to Japan. He decided a year later he didn't want kids at all and recently decided he wants a vasectomy and for me to get sterilized or never to have sex again and then said actually he didn't love me and never really had it was just limerance. I talked to him about everything as I had no-one else and with him with me I wasn't healed magically but I could get through each day and was often happy. Now I have no-one, I live with my rabbit, my housemate won't pay her share of the bills or pay for her share of the internet bill. It seems everything is on me. I have an assessment this Friday at uni and don't k ow if I'll pass because I can't do any work outside of uni generally speaking. I am never inspired. My ex says I would be happy as I have my own place, got away from controlling family, I'm at uni, I have 2 jobs, I can save, but none of that matters to me because I am alone, and feel that love doesn't exist, happiness doesn't exist, you just get through and buy things like houses and pets and cars and bikes to try and fill the hole, but will never truly be happy. I've gone to my gp, am on meds, see a councillor, talk to friends, talk to the helplines, I have tried every suggestion I could find but everything is just washed out and grey and I'm just getting worse. My friends say even sectioning doesn't help you they just lock you in a room and give you drugs and CBT which doesn't work for me but it's the only thing available. It seems I'm a lost cause. Like a terminal cancer patient, no-one can cure me, I'm just waiting for it to kill me. I struggle to get up every day because my life is my own personal hell, if anyone has seen the first episode of season 4 of black mirror, it's exactly like that. Can anyone help..
    I do have a cure but you wont like it and DWD will probably boot me off

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