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Thread: New to this - don't know where to turn!!!

  1. #1
    Zellic
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    Question New to this - don't know where to turn!!!

    Hi all,

    I have recently been diagnosed with depression and I am taking fluoxetine 20mg and have been referred for talking therapy.

    I feel I have so many things going on in my head - that I don't know what to do or where to turn. I believe I am suffering from work related stress due to the fact that this is where all my anxieties seem to stem from. I have been confiding to a friend from work who I seemed understood how I am feeling. After a conversation today they have had a conversation with my line manager about me. Nothing detrimental about me but more about what I am trying to deal with at the moment but some of my stresses have been down to my line manager. I really don't like the fact that this is going on but I don't know how to deal with anything at the moment and the thought of confronting them about this has just stressed me out so much. I want to have conversations with work when I am ready to be able to discuss them without bursting into tears every time and not feeling immense panic and not being able to think straight or have a productive conversation.

    Quick rundown of main work stresses:-
    - 6 different line managers in 4 years
    - moved jobs within same school 4 times in last 4 years
    - been on a temporary contract for 2 and a half years
    - despite requesting for a proper job description on numerous occasions still none the wiser
    - new line manager seems to like micromanaging which makes me feel undermined and undervalued

    Due to this feel completely useless, worthless can't even be bothered to get dressed most days, no interest in anything, have had some strange dreams and these have normally been about me ending my life but I always wake up from these in a panic as this is something I don't think about when I am awake.

    I feel really scared and don't know what to do or where to turn. I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday and I think work are expecting me back next week but not sure if I am ready for this!!! As per usual not sleeping again.

    Sorry for the really long post but no-one at home seems to understand how I am feeling.

  2. #2
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome to DWD. I can understand you not being happy with that friend - although could they have being to help?
    You mention school - are you a teacher? Have you thought about looking around for something else?

    How long have you been taking the fluoxetine?
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  3. #3
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. It’s hard for people who don’t suffer with depression to understand which is why it’s important to talk to your loved ones. There’s a website www.time-to-change.org.uk which aims to change how mental health is perceived and to start conversations with those around us. That may help you
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  4. #4
    Hi there,
    Well done for reaching out to us on DWD
    One day at a time ....😃

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  6. #5
    Zellic
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    Hi,

    Thank you for the warm welcome.

    I've been taking fluoxetine for 3 weeks now. I have since spoken to my friend and she was just trying to help. My head is just spinning at the moment and I seem to take everything out of proportion as I don't feel I can think properly at the moment - is this normal? What even is normal?

    I'm not a teacher but I have been at the school for 11 years and for 7 of those years I've been very happy as I knew what was expected of me but for the last 4 years I don't know what my role is, what I'm supposed to be doing when I get into work as someone just tells me what to do. I don't think anybody in the school could tell you what I do as nobody seems to know, but especially me. Despite me asking for all this time what I'm expected to do but it just hasn't seemed that important to anybody else. It's ok as Alison just does whatever is asked of her and doesn't make a fuss - but I'm not ok with that but I don't know how to deal with it and this is why I'm here now as I just can't deal with the not knowing anymore. I just feel so stressed and anxious with it all and feel so completely useless, worthless and undervalued that I don't see any purpose in anything I do.

    Sorry rambling on again just got so much in my head it's just like one big mess and I don't know how to tidy the mess up.

    Thanks,

    Alison

  7. #6
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    You aren't rambling at all!
    Fluoxetine really helped my husband, but it does take a while to get into your system - something like 6 - 8 weeks and then the same for each dose change. So hang on in there.
    Are you office or classroom based?
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  8. #7
    Zellic
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    Office based.

  9. #8
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    That sounds so hard not knowing what you're meant to be doing or where you are meant to be. Can you maybe put it in writing asking for a more specific job spec as you'd like to work on your professional development?
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  10. #9
    Zellic
    Guest
    I hadn't thought about that as a lot of my anxieties surface more on a face to face basis. I panic and completely overthink the situation and then I can't concentrate or comprehend what's being said. I think that trying to deal with the not knowing and who is my line manager today has just completely stressed me out.

    I'm back at the doctors tomorrow to see how I am feeling and I have my first talking therapy session on 18th January. I have stupidly checked my work emails just to keep up to date with things and a meeting has been set up for Thursday with myself, my line manager, her line manager and the head and this feels like such an imbalance of power and it has made me feel like I can't be there. My head is so messed up with the past 4 years I don't even know what I want from it all anymore.

  11. #10
    Moderator OldMike's Avatar
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    Hi Alison welcome to DWD
    71 and counting, less of the "Old" call me "Mike"
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