25 years ago I had a panic attack that then it led to varying degrees of depression that is particularly crap today.

So my depression is driven by anxiety. The anxiety is anticipatory and has always been.
My fears today are exactly the same as they were 25 years ago. Meetings, Flying, Staying away from home and some social anxiety.
How does this happen? If I have attended 100s of meetings, but I have one Thursday that I am as anxious about as the first since my intial panic attack.
I have had very uncomfortable meetings but I have got through them and felt good when they were over.

Apologies for this being mainly about anxiety, but my depression I firmly believe is completely down to my anxiety.