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Thread: How to let go

  1. #1

    How to let go

    Hi Everyone,

    New to this whole thing, and only recently after 3 years have i been able to open up about it all.

    A relationship of 4 years broke down after i was struggling to deal with my problems and pushing my ex partner away. Self Harming and suicidal tendinsies destroyed it. The break down hit me extremely hard and i have struggled to cope every since. I cannot seem to let go even though part of me says to but the other doesn't. My Psychiatrist believes i am living with guilt of pushing her and my children away. Social Services became involved due to be being in a mentally unstable position. They were not removed but i was classed as risk. I still blame myself for this and will do for some time but i keep being told only by letting go will i make a good recovery. Only problem is it is not as simple as people say, i have children with her we did everything together and one day its gone. Truth is i think if she every fell pregnant by anyone else it would tear me in half. That is one thing i am continually worried about.

    My EX partner though since the split has not been the greatest. She uses me for money to take her places. Likes to give me the hope of us getting back together and then at the last minute take it away from me. She has sent me various pictures of my children with another man with a comment "Kids with their new daddy" it ruins me but for some reason i cannot let go.

    I just need a none professional opinion because to be honest i am really struggling recently.

    Sorry for the essay

    Tom

  2. #2
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi Tom and welcome. Your ex sounds like a total b*tch tbh. I can't stand when people use children as weapons in break ups. It's not fair on the children at all. Do you have any contact with them? Is that supervised or unsupervised? In a contact centre?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  3. #3
    Hi Suzi,

    Thank you for the response - I chose not to have contact for around 6 months due to my mental health not stable as it was not fair on my children.

    Only around a year ago me and my ex were getting and we agreed that i would start seeing them again we both went to social services to sort it and 1 hour before my assessment and contact she rang them and told them she does not want me having contact and she wants me to go to court.
    She knows full well i would not be able to afford to go to court even working full time I'm just stuck

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Tom6544 View Post
    Hi Suzi,

    Thank you for the response - I chose not to have contact for around 6 months due to my mental health not stable as it was not fair on my children.

    Only around a year ago me and my ex were getting and we agreed that i would start seeing them again we both went to social services to sort it and 1 hour before my assessment and contact she rang them and told them she does not want me having contact and she wants me to go to court.
    She knows full well i would not be able to afford to go to court even working full time I'm just stuck
    Tom - Would not the CPS mean the court was free? If I were you I would go to Citizens Advice Bureau and check out your rights.

  5. #5
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom6544 View Post
    Hi Suzi,

    Thank you for the response - I chose not to have contact for around 6 months due to my mental health not stable as it was not fair on my children.

    Only around a year ago me and my ex were getting and we agreed that i would start seeing them again we both went to social services to sort it and 1 hour before my assessment and contact she rang them and told them she does not want me having contact and she wants me to go to court.
    She knows full well i would not be able to afford to go to court even working full time I'm just stuck
    Would she not agree to using a contact centre? What are the reasons she has for refusing access? Have you spoken to SS about it?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  6. #6
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi Tom and welcome
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    Would she not agree to using a contact centre? What are the reasons she has for refusing access? Have you spoken to SS about it?
    I tried contact centre but she refused it and turned everything down.

    She gives different reasons each time - She doesn't trust me, She thinks im going to run off with them, Even sometimes telling they are not mine. But now i cannot contact her at all as she has blocked everything from me so she can live with her new partner.

  8. #8
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    That must be incredibly hard. Are you going to try to work it out through the courts?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

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