General musings and random ramblings *TRIGGERS*

[Jaquaia]

Wanna try it out on us?

I don't even know how to start working it out for myself

[S deleted]

Well if and when you wanna spill...

[Paula]

Can you explain one small thing? Maybe baby steps?

[Jaquaia]

J is incredibly annoying, has rang me to get it out of me, and when I tried to skirt around telling him, guessed what it was anyway... and was right! I'm not used to someone being able to read me so well. I know have orders to rest and make sure I drink.

[Suzi]

So go on, tell us.....

[Jaquaia]

It was a misunderstanding and with the frame of mind I'm in lately, especially waking up feeling like I did, all my insecurities raised their ugly head and the bad thoughts wouldn't quieten. They're not much quieter today, and he has been brilliant. He's the complete opposite to dickhead.

I'm trying to fight the dark thoughts but I am so, so tired. It's an effort to hold on.

[S deleted]

Spill bird. What’s going on?

[Jaquaia]

It was me adding 2 and 2 and getting 96. When you add that to me feeling like I don't deserve him on top of already feeling worthless and pathetic... then things become bigger issues then they need to be. Everything has become bigger then it needed to be.

I know he loves me, his words and actions show me that every single day. I think when I'm feeling so low, I start thinking that I deserve how I've been treated in the past and that I'm not worthy. His answer to that is that no one has ever appreciated how awesome I am before.

[S deleted]

He’s wrong!!! I appreciate your awesomeness and I’m pretty confident I’m not alone. Admittedly I’m not looking for commitment and you’re not really my type but.....you rock!

[Paula]

No one deserves the treatment you got, especially not you