General musings and random ramblings *TRIGGERS*

[Paula]

Recharging is not wasting time. If your body needs rest, then you need to rest.

[Jaquaia]

I'm just tired of having to fight for even the small victories

[Suzi]

I've finished week 13 and part of week 14. I've decided to put it away and give myself a break and do something for me and all I've done is flop on my bed. I have no energy to do anything. How much time have I wasted just staring at the wall or the ceiling? How many days have actually been bad but I've not recognised it because it's become my normal?

It's amazing how things become our normal... Sweetheart you need to rest.... You have to remember you are fighting your own head along with everything else. It is exhausting, give yourself time lovely.

[Jaquaia]

I'm just so tired. I'm tired of fighting. All I want right now is to have an early night with J. I just want to be able to lay there wrapped in his arms and drift off to sleep feeling safe and loved for once. I want to not feel alone. I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of watching everyone else get their happy ending while I get left behind.

[Paula]

You’re not alone, hunni. I know life’s not what you want it to be yet but it will come

[Jaquaia]

I've got to go back to the doctors too. They rang me today. My GP has seen something in my blood results that he doesn't like and wants to see me about it. I asked the HCA yesterday and she said everything had come back normal so I'm really hoping he's not getting me back in because of my CRP level being raised. I still have active disease, it's why the consultant switched me to the injection. They've booked me in for a week on Monday, which just happens to be the same day I see the psychiatric nurse prescriber...

[Suzi]

If the doctor wants to see you, then surely they can get you in sooner than over a week ago...

[Paula]

Is it worth trying to get a telephone appt instead?

[Jaquaia]

I've just checked and it's not my usual GP so it's possible it is about my CRP levels. Or possibly about my hormone results. Hopefully that. But he is a very good doctor, he tried referring me to the secondary mental health team about 8 years ago.

My doctors are awful to get an appointment with but if results are a concern they'll get you in as quick as they can. I can wait.

[Paula]

You shouldn’t have to wait. You’re going through a lot of difficulty, health wise, and should be a priority