General musings and random ramblings *TRIGGERS*

[Jaquaia]

I'm pottering for now and see if the stiffness goes. The problem I have is it's the next day I suffer if I'm going to flare.

[magie06]

I see. At the moment, my elbow is flairing when I knit. But I'm a bit stubborn and I just keep going.

[Suzi]

How did the rest of the day go love?

[Jaquaia]

I've done nothing but hide in my room. Mood is divebombing but have no energy to do anything at the moment. And I feel stupid that an email from a friend can bring me to the point of tears. He always manages to make me feel like I'm not enough. He doesn't understand mental illness, never really has and I know it's probably me reading more into what he said, but I'm fed up of being made to feel like I just don't try hard enough, like how I feel about things is irrational and stupid. I'm fed up of it always being hinted at that I'm rude and ignorant, despite telling him that my memory isn't great so I sometimes forget to reply. And I'm fed up of being so weak and pathetic that I can't permanently cut ties because I have so few friends who actually bother with me, that even one that makes me feel like that is better than no one.

Just needed to get that off my chest!

[Suzi]

Can we see the email and help you with an instructional response - from me it might just be a swift "F off you ignorant twat!" You certainly don't need "friends" like that...

[Paula]

Oh please let me at him! How dare he

[Jaquaia]

We'd been talking about exercising and I said about needing to find space for my exercise bike. He made a remark about wearing lycra and I commented not with my arse. I said it would make me feel self-conscious and his response was that I'd be on my own so why would I feel self conscious? It just made me feel really irrational. Just like the other day, I said my head hasn't been in a good place and his response was he would have thought I'd be the happiest I've ever been with me studying again and having J. It made me feel like I had no right to be struggling as much as I have been.

I don't know if I'm being oversensitive or not.

[Paula]

We all know this illness doesn’t discriminate. How ill you are has very little to do with current circumstances - he obviously knows nothing about depression and it sounds like he doesn’t want to know but, as your friend, the least he can do is trust you when you say you’re struggling and just be someone you can lean on.

[Jaquaia]

I just feel like I have to explain myself constantly. He makes me feel cornered and overly dramatic.

[Suzi]

Definitely not over reacting! How dare he? PLEASE let us educate him...