I'm struggling to find any real reason to actually keep living. since i was in high school i followed the mantra of just wait, things will change, things will improve, live will be worth living. yet now I've finished university and am still playing the waiting game. Look my life isn't bad by any accounts (as my parents constantly remind me) I do have a job (in retail), I live at home so don't struggle with bills or anything. yet I constantly dance with the thought of just ending things. I constantly have to rationalise with myself or give a reason to not just stop. I don't feel like my existence is worth continuing. There are probably a million more people in the world just like me but less broken who can do more good then i possibly could. People who are better equipped at handling life and i'm just here feeling like I'm rotting. I can't talk to others about my feelings cos then the rot will spread to them. I'll have ruined their day by talking about howI feel, yet without having an actual reason to feel this bad. If i feel terrible every other day, why should i exist? what reason can i possibly have fir being around? I don't ake anyones life better, i fade into the background most of the time. I'm terrible with people and struggle in day to day conversations without torturing myself about how much they all must hate me cos I'm a miserable quiet brat.
TLDR
I just need some reason to keep living other then "it'll get better". cos so far, everything has been about the same and its pushing me to the edge.
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