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Thread: Toxic relationship?

  1. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    Well done lovely.
    It's really hard, but you do need to try to stop each negative and counter it with a positive. It's almost impossible at first, but you can do it and with practise it does get easier.
    The other really good exercise to do is to end each day thinking of 3 positives in that day. It might be "got up," "got dressed," "took meds" but eventually those will develop so those aren't your 3 main areas to focus on.
    Hey Suzi. Thanks for the reply gun. I often use that strategy. The fatigue and listlessness this illness can induce is hard to fathom. I will try some errands tomorrow. The low self esteem is awful and self medicating with alcohol is my strategy of choice but have had bad reactions of anxiety recently the day after drinking so am trying to calm that down. I just feel so raw I have distanced my sister for now. I am a fighter though.

    Thanks again, it means a lot

  2. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    Well done lovely.
    It's really hard, but you do need to try to stop each negative and counter it with a positive. It's almost impossible at first, but you can do it and with practise it does get easier.
    The other really good exercise to do is to end each day thinking of 3 positives in that day. It might be "got up," "got dressed," "took meds" but eventually those will develop so those aren't your 3 main areas to focus on.
    Hun I meant!

  3. #23
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Alcohol is a depressant... I have a whole speech on it and why it's bad if you want?
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

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    Mattypompy (04-01-18)

  5. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post


    Alcohol is a depressant... I have a whole speech on it and why it's bad if you want?
    Please do, I'd love to know your take on it? I know it's harmful in multiple facets. With this new AD, next day anxiety is awful as I mentioned.

    My SA was bad today as I thought I embarrassed myself with the counter staff in the Post Office. I need a new brain. On with the ACT and mindfulness I guess. Thanks again.

  6. #25
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mattypompy View Post
    Please do, I'd love to know your take on it? I know it's harmful in multiple facets. With this new AD, next day anxiety is awful as I mentioned.
    OK here goes... I'll try to keep it brief lol Alcohol is a depressant. You are taking anti depressants to combat the depression you are already dealing with. This means that any good you are doing with the anti depressants is wiped out by the alcohol. It also is a poison. Your liver and kidneys are being damaged and liver cirrhosis isn't any fun. I know the damage that alcohol does especially when you use it to "medicate" or "stop you from feeling" because then it becomes something that becomes something that you need, then you become dependent. But after time the same amount of alcohol (let's call it a glass of whisky) loses it's effect and so you have to have 2, then 3, then 4, then a bottle, and you are an alcoholic. Anyone dependent on alcohol is an alcoholic and the damage and the pain that alcoholics have within families is not something you ever want to have to deal with.
    One of my family members is an alcoholic and we were told that they were going to die from the liver disease and that we should prepare ourselves and our children to say goodbye. Having to explain to children who were 11, 9 and 8 that this family member was going to die and that they had the opportunity to say goodbye is one of the hardest conversations I have ever had. When they said "why doesn't he just stop drinking?" And having to explain that actually when you've been dependent on it and suddenly stop that can kill you because of the detox is horrible.
    I'm not laying a guilt trip. I just don't see why you'd add a depressant when your mood isn't stable anyway.
    I'm not saying "never drink again." Just let the meds settle, get stable and don't make it something you use to medicate or stop feeling...
    That's all not included the horrible things that it does to your insides and the extra pressure on your liver and kidneys.

    Oh and yes I do drink - just not much

    My SA was bad today as I thought I embarrassed myself with the counter staff in the Post Office. I need a new brain. On with the ACT and mindfulness I guess. Thanks again.
    What made you think you embarrassed yourself at the PO?
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Suzi For This Useful Post:

    Mattypompy (01-02-18)

  8. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    OK here goes... I'll try to keep it brief lol Alcohol is a depressant. You are taking anti depressants to combat the depression you are already dealing with. This means that any good you are doing with the anti depressants is wiped out by the alcohol. It also is a poison. Your liver and kidneys are being damaged and liver cirrhosis isn't any fun. I know the damage that alcohol does especially when you use it to "medicate" or "stop you from feeling" because then it becomes something that becomes something that you need, then you become dependent. But after time the same amount of alcohol (let's call it a glass of whisky) loses it's effect and so you have to have 2, then 3, then 4, then a bottle, and you are an alcoholic. Anyone dependent on alcohol is an alcoholic and the damage and the pain that alcoholics have within families is not something you ever want to have to deal with.
    One of my family members is an alcoholic and we were told that they were going to die from the liver disease and that we should prepare ourselves and our children to say goodbye. Having to explain to children who were 11, 9 and 8 that this family member was going to die and that they had the opportunity to say goodbye is one of the hardest conversations I have ever had. When they said "why doesn't he just stop drinking?" And having to explain that actually when you've been dependent on it and suddenly stop that can kill you because of the detox is horrible.
    I'm not laying a guilt trip. I just don't see why you'd add a depressant when your mood isn't stable anyway.
    I'm not saying "never drink again." Just let the meds settle, get stable and don't make it something you use to medicate or stop feeling...
    That's all not included the horrible things that it does to your insides and the extra pressure on your liver and kidneys.

    Oh and yes I do drink - just not much


    What made you think you embarrassed yourself at the PO?


    Hi Suzi, thanks for the fulsome reply and apologies for the delay in responding. I've been quite fatigued. In fact exhausted! You are definitely correct about your alcohol assessment.

    It is corrosive in excess, mentally and physically. I used it as a crutch, as many do, to try and deal with low mood and anxiety for a number of years after some bereavement. Also I use it to socialise. In the last few months my consumption has decreased and as the ADs have kicked in my mood is more stable and I get terrible hangovers with them so have made progress. Hopefully my organs have not been too damaged, brain, liver, pancreas. I'd like to know if I could test them perhaps. I hope your family member was ok in the end.

    The thing I meant about the PO is that I'm hypersensitive to my verbal interactions with people and thought I was being thick/slow with the member of staff when she asked if it was the same address on two things I was posting. I thought she meant to send and was confused as they were addressed. She meant the return address. Pathetic isn't it.

    Hope you're well.

  9. #27
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Not pathetic at all.

    Glad you've cut down drinking..
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

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    Mattypompy (01-02-18)

  11. #28
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    How’s your mood at the moment?
    Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.

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    Mattypompy (01-02-18)

  13. #29
    Hi guys.

    Thanks again for the replies. You've really helped me more than you know, and you don't even know me. Beautiful spirits.

    I'm regressing today. Having a few suicidal thoughts again and I was doing so well. On Tuesday I finished my 3 month talking therapy course ACT/CBT with the NHS. I had made steady progress with my depression/anxiety and was keen to continue consolidating the work I had done.

    About 10 months ago I had applied for PIP after the migration from DLA which I had the lowest award for. It's an extremely stressful and long winded process. I believe the system is designed to wear you done emotionally so you give up. The DWP and the company that assess you basically assume you're lying or exaggerating all the time but its very hard to demonstrate objective ly a MH problem if they don't belie what you say as evidence? Anyway through multiple stages it went to the Tribunal stage and I opened the decision letter yesterday with much anxiety and melancholia. They awarded me 6 points. One needs 8 for the lowest award that's what I was aiming for. The difference between get in the award and not was the wording of a descriptor 'needs prompting' or requires 'social support' to engage with people. Social support can mean friends /family or a therapist and they don't need to be present. I have severe social anxiety. I basically don't speak to anyone and I know I'm honest. For severe anxiety they can award 8 points they gave me 2. I know in my heart I satisfy the criteria. I'm just worn out emotionally after I was making progress. I'm back to square one and didn't want to wake up today. Its cruelty by the state effectively. I know they have a job to do but I know I'm being completely honest if anything underplaying my distress. I have no support at all.

    I can appeal to the upper tribunal but feel like crap now. Want to sleep and drift away.

    M

  14. #30
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Appeal. Get some help to do so - have you tried the CAB or Fightback? Keep appealing love. Yes I know the system, my husband has ended in tribunal 2ce - 1ce for ESA and once for PIP... Always base things on a worst case scenario love - NEVER underplay anything.

    It's expected to have a dip when you finish therapy and then to have this appeal decision must feel like a real kick in the teeth... You can get through it though. Keep fighting those thoughts - that's all they are....
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to Suzi For This Useful Post:

    Mattypompy (31-01-18)

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