First, your health should be your first priority. Second, why are you an idiot?
First, your health should be your first priority. Second, why are you an idiot?
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
Got myself worked up very quickly and impulsively did something. Makes me worse in a different way. I can NOT revert back to those behavioursI don't know what to do. If I let this continue then i'll be heading to crisis town. I'd do anything for 30mg of valium right now :/
I really hope that you've cleaned and dressed the wound properly and that you've managed to get a Drs appointment.
Sweetheart taking some sick leave now (if you need it) really might be better than trying to hang on in there and ending up in a worse state and having to take much longer off.
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Couldn't get in
I did feel a bit more relaxed in the afternoon which was nice but it was rather fleeting. I confided in a colleague at the smoking hut and had a bit of a meltdown. Had to reel myself in because I was starting to properly lose it.
I will take a day off on Monday if I can't get an appt tomorrow.
I didn't really no and had an awful experience when getting out of bed clothes in the morning. Doesn't really dissuade me from doing it again though, been here before many times. Just have to struggle through another evening and hopefully get to bed without injury.Originally Posted by Suzi
Hate it
Oh sweetheartHave you cleaned and dressed it now? Don't forget you can always go to A+E if you aren't feeling safe.
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
How are you now, lovely? Is the wound cleaned? Sweetheart I get it re the SH but you need to find a way to ease the pain without hurting yourself. Did you have any hobbies or interests that you’ve stopped doing because you’re not well?is there anyway way you could try to distract from the pain by starting up these hobbies again? I do cross stitch which is really absorbing and takes my focus away from my brain running away with me. Or I binge watch TV (mainly crime dramas) or I read my Bible. It’s so hard picking these things up when I’m struggling but they’re so worth the effort and does keep me away from the SH. Is there anything you can do instead?
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
Thank you Suzi & Paula. I'm very glad I decided to transparently open up on this forum, I've never really been able to just divulge the intricacies of how I feel without holding back (due to shame, fear of judgement etc... still difficult even online)
The past few weeks I've wanted to do nothing but sleep, cry and bleed. The sense of worthlessness and despair is overwhelming me. I fantasise about suicide like someone getting excited for an upcoming vacation, how awesome it'll be when they get there and leave the mundanity behind. The love of my family prevents me from ever doing that (again) though, so no such holiday for me. Sometimes I wish, very horribly, that I didn't have such a nice Mum and Dad, caring friends etc so those chains didn't exist. I believe 100% that I wouldn't be here if that were the case.
In the absence of medication, prescribed or otherwise, distraction is probably the only viable thing I could do turn my thoughts away the above. It's difficult to maintain for any decent length of time though like a spinning top that inevitably defaults to motionless.
Honestly - very nearly called a friend who drives a taxi to take me to the hospital but managed to fall asleep for a few hours. I woke up a few minutes ago and feel less inclined to indulge in anything unpleasant. Going to get a glass of milk and try and sleep again until the morning. Another day done :/
Hope today is even slightly brighter for you. Hope you manage to get a Dr's appointment today. Please tell them it's urgent.
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
My day was not good and I think people have started to notice I'm not alright. However, I've not long got back from the GP...
Explained the situation as best as I could. He will arrange for me to speak with the crisis team next week and I need to go back after 10 days as a follow up.
He prescribed me Mirtazapine which I haven't had before so I i'm just hoping it doesn't make me worse. I explained the sensations of skirting around psychosis and he admitted that, due to my history, there is a possibility that they might detain me under section 63 if it an 'incident' occurred so I am hoping that won't be the case. I don't see why it should be a major thing though because the last time I got sectioned I was 20 (10 years ago!) so it's not like i'm regularly losing control. Hmm.
He was extremely concerned about the self-harm (hence the crisis team visit next week) and apparently if I present at A&E as a result of this they could technically, if sufficiently concerned, use a Sec 63 for that as well? Seems a bit excessive and just worries me more tbh.
I am hoping that, going forward, things will be improve. Thinking about future happenings though just makes me anxious.
Mirtazapine is great and really helped me. It’s also a sedative so will help you sleep and hopefully keep you calmer. Hunni, don’t let the fear of sectioning put you off going to a&e or back to the GP if you need to, if the doctor felt you were near that ill he wouldn’t be waiting 10 days to see you again
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
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