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Thread: Don't know where to turn or what to do

  1. #21
    Does anyone else find that in a really busy and demanding job that they don't have time to feel depressed?
    Like it's just go-go-go none stop with no time to reflect or stop and look around?
    One meeting after another, a report, some analysis, another meeting, a long drive etc, etc.

    It's only when I get home, sit down and to try and relax, especially at weekends that it suddenly hits me and I feel empty, weighed down and without a purpose.

    In fact weekends have become the worst, which depresses me even more as that's exactly the time I should be feeling happier and more relaxed.

    Without sounding all 'victim' or 'woe is me', weekends highlight how empty my life is - no friends, no party invites, no trips out or things to look forward to, no reason to get out of bed.

    I know this sounds all of my own making, but when you've got social anxiety and zero motivation to get out of bed - it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

    Or is it just me?

  2. #22
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Definitely not just you... Is there anyway that you can find a way of meeting new people and putting more structure to your weekends? I know it's tough, I really do..
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  3. #23
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    Definitely not just you... Is there anyway that you can find a way of meeting new people and putting more structure to your weekends? I know it's tough, I really do..
    Easier said than done I guess - it's the sort of thing I'd need to be in the right frame of mind/confidence to be able to do - catch-22.

    Please can I share another self observation to see if this is just another common symptom of genera depression or whether this points to a specific element of the illness?

    I find that my emotional coping capacity is tiny. The best way I can explain that is to imagine everyone has a coping tank in their brain which deals with problems, challenges and issues on a day to day basis. Depending on how life is going, a well person might have an emotional tank that is say 20-50% full on any given day, meaning that if a 45% (pretty big) problem comes along, they have the capacity to deal with it. it might make them sad, fed up, cross etc within the boundaries of 'normal', but fundamentally, they did not reach the maximum capacity of their coping tank and they function normally.

    I feel I'm living with my coping tank 95% full at all times, where only the slightest problem, hinderacne, thwart, rejection or any other element of life that doesn't got to plan, even if it's only a 6% sized issue that should just be brushed off, tips me over the edge and I simply can't cope - I shut down, fall off the cliff of misery and just want to give up on everything - total and complete "what's the point of even trying" state of mind. Often with considerable frustration, anger and despair.

    An example. Despite feeling very low, I managed to muster every ounce of will, enthusiasm and energy I could to drag myself off the sofa and force myself to mow the lawns. I mapped it all out in my head, worked out how long it would take, where are the keys to the shed were, which lawn I'd cut first, where my ear defenders are (it's a noisy petrol one) etc, all in an effort to make sure I was in no way thwarted. So in a 'Hail Mary' burst of 'come on, lets fight this', I get my coat and shoes on, grasp the keys to the shed and went for it..... come on, you can do this.....

    Only to find that the mower had run out of petrol which would require me to nip round the corner and fill up the can from the petrol station. This was a 6% problem. BOOM.

    Gave up, downed tools, walked away in total despair and went to bed, sleeping for the rest of the day to try and bury my frustration and despair. All whilst knowing full well what that must sound/read like to a rational NT person, yet not being able to do anything about it.

    Ring true with anyone?

  4. #24
    Oh you have no idea just how many times I’ve sat in the middle of a room in tears because it is too messy to deal with and I don’t know where to start. Then there is the over planning just like your lawnmower procedure because you just know that the simplest think can throw you out for the rest of the day, or week or even longer sometimes. Then the pity party that follows after the epic fail to carry out a simple everyday task making you the worst person on the planet in that precise moment. I can totally relate to what your saying.

  5. #25
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Oh yes, I know that particular party well. Total meltdown after spilling nail varnish, screaming at my family because they didnít worry about something Iíd told them not to worry about. Pretty much every day Iím close to my limit of emotional tolerance.
    Come on everybody, join in the QUIZ, I need the competition!

  6. #26
    Yes, when we are in a very anxious/depressed state the slightest thing can cause a retreat to our cave. It is definitely part of the illness. Do you keep a journal? It may be helpful to note down the things you have achieved, however small (eg making a cup of tea) Self-compassion is something that is initially hard because we are often so critical of ourselves. It is important to be kind, giving ourselves small treats. If you haven’t come across Dr Cantopher’s book ‘Depressive illness:Curse of the Strong’ it may be worth a look, it was a turning point for me.
    One day at a time ....😃

  7. #27
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I get it too....
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  8. #28
    Thanks all - at least I know it's part of the problem. There's DIY jobs round the house that need doing - the bit of silicone needed round the bath, the little chunk of plaster missing by the bathroom window etc - can I face them? No chance. They're a one way ticket to a 3 day downward spiral.

    I really hope that the psych referral comes through quickly as I finished from work today and can already feel myself slipping.

    Yesterday was a bit of a bummer. I had a rare day off, and in a fit of trying to 'force myself well', vacuumed the house, put the bins out, and by some miracle managed to complete our annual treat to M&S food hall for some Christmas dinner treats. Despite being mentally exhausted after all that, I managed to make dinner for when my wife returned. Big deal you may scoff - I get it, but I work far longer hours than my wife and sadly she does the lions share of domestic chores like that, and I wanted to do it as a treat and not to be seen as moping on the sofa all day whilst she worked.

    Sadly, my wife had had a rough day and was exhausted when she got home, so had no real energy or enthusiasm to show the gratitude and appreciation that my selfish, pathetic and desperate need for validation craved. She was pleased, but only mildly so. What did I do? Spiralled into despair and went straight to bed after loading the dish washer - couldn't face another minute of the day. Not blaming her for anything, just not able to rationalise the situation.

    It's like I'm constantly clutching at straws, trying to seek out even a whiff of enjoyment or satisfaction from something - ANYTHING, but when this doesn't come, I mentally collapse.

    How rubbish.

  9. #29
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Not rubbish at all - but I am sure that your wife was really touched, pleased and thankful that you did all that yesterday.
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  10. #30
    Moderator of Awesomeness magie06's Avatar
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    How are things today?

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