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Thread: Don't know where to turn or what to do

  1. #61
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Marc's car stereo takes a usb so we made up an album as such of various bits of music. We made sure that there was at least a few songs that each person would like and no track was to be skipped. It has been brilliant actually - everyone's favourites, but also some that each person really isn't keen on..

    Counting motorbikes?
    When I went shopping game?
    There are hundreds of things you can do to break up the fighting and the monotony of the car journey.... Maybe trying to smaller trips out, rather than big things like lego land and just be together?
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  2. #62
    Thanks all, I appreciate the support.

    Without rambling, there are a few main issues that make is difficult.

    My son has autism, so just going somewhere like a normal family isn't an option - it takes military precision organisation, planning a full cooperation from everyone to still be left with a 50% chance of meltdown. Plus he REALLY doesn't want to go places, no matter how tempting and it's a battle to get him to want to leave the house. To hot, too cold, too much walking, who will be there, who won't be there, what food and drink will be there, what if this, what of that.....

    My daughter in pre-teen and not interested in going out with her family. She has her own anxiety issues and is currently working with CAMHS due to self harming and has meltdowns of her own and also doesn't want to do anything. She's 'happy' in her room on her ipod or whatever and is nigh on impossible to coax out and about.

    They simply don't want to go out and do stuff - we try suggesting walks in the woods, this and that just to get moans, complaints and every excuse under the sun not to go.

    But, aside from all that - which would be challenging enough when NT, I'm not NT, and am in the pits of depression, which means I simply cannot cope or deal with any of that ^^. I just can't. If I could, I'd consider myself just down in the dumps, but ultimately able to rise above it and function. I can't rise above it and function. It's just too much to deal with. Hence dark thoughts of suicide when I'm at my lowest.

    On top of all that, outside of my depression, I've got issues of my own to try and deal with, which I can't cope with due to my depression, before I even think about solving other problems.

    I'm not trying to put obstacles in the way and find reasons why I can't just put a false smile on and jump in the car, but explain why it's a mountain just too big to climb at the moment.

    My wife is also suffering from depression and is undergoing very traumatic counselling for issues gone by so her coping capacity is minimal at best.

    Naturally all this puts a huge strain on our marriage, to add to the list.

  3. #63
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Fair enough. Then what about doing things at home as a family? Playing a game or something?
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  4. #64
    Quick update - got my letter through to see the psychiatrist for March 27th. Disappointed it's going to take that long as I'm still struggling, but it is what it is.
    Letter says to bring along my medication.... I don't have any which is why I need to see him.

  5. #65
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Why aren’t you on any meds?
    Come on everybody, join in the QUIZ, I need the competition!

  6. #66
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    No meds at all?
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  7. #67
    Nope = no meds at all - which is the crux of the problem.

    My med history to date goes like this...

    Citalopram - left me like a zombie. No emotion whatsoever. No personality. Dead, but biologically alive - tried for a few months, but terrible.
    Fluoxetine - kind of helped with depression about 50% but not the anxiety and gave me terrible, intolerable sexual side effects - used for a few years but was affecting my marriage and the side effects causing all sorts of other issues leaving me miserable and depressed.
    Mirtazapine - Great for anxiety, but no use for depression, also made me very angry, irritable and horrible to live with, whist still being depressed.
    Venlafaxine - Terrible allergic reaction to this so couldn't continue beyond one pill. Was almost for calling an ambulance. Like a junkie going cold turkey.
    Sertraline - Sexual side effects kicked in before anything else and even worse than fluoxetine so knocked it on the head shortly after.

    I've been off the meds and trying to cope for 6 months now, spiralling out of control, hence I had to relent and go and see the Doctor - hence I'm now in the system waiting for further treatment without meds.

    My GP admitted that I clearly am one of those people that does suffer the sexual side effects of SSRI/SNRIs, therefore there's no point trying another half a dozen varieties of the same type - they just don't work with me.

    One might argue, well surely not being depressed is better than having to live with sexual side effects? Maybe for some, not for me.

    Without getting into too much detail as we've all got imaginations - the side effects aren't something that Viagra could help with, that isn't the 'problem'. The issue is that all sensation, feeling, enjoyment is missing. That then results is no end game or enjoyment overall. This is tormenting, frustrating and such an issue to me and my marraige that it makes me depressed, angry and utterly miserable - catch 22. Why such a big deal for me - we're back to the tap dancer who has their feet amputated to cure their sore hips scenario.

    Effectively I've not found a drug(s) that treats my depression and anxiety without intolerable sexual side effects..... which isn;t actually true - I've found a drug that 'might' do all that as it has for many other around the world - Wellbutrin (Bupropion), but as we know, not available in the UK via GPs and must be prescribed via secondary care, which is where I am now... with my fingers and toes crossed.

    I'm aware that even if my psych agrees this is something to try, that it might not work for me and have an open mind about other possibilities.

    But no, no meds at the moment, hence I'm in such a state.

  8. #68
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Can you call and see if there is a cancellation?
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  9. #69
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    Can you call and see if there is a cancellation?
    I could, but unfortunately the nature of my work means I can't drop everything to attend a last minute appointment.
    I work all over the country and plan my diary a good few months in advance.
    The type of work I do means I can't cancel or rearrange appointments - with multi-million pound contracts involving numerous stakeholders, cancelling or calling in sick just isn't an option - I'm lucky in that the appointment date I've been given falls between existing engagements so I think I'll quit whilst I'm ahead.
    I've been med free for over 6 months now, albeit it really struggling; I'll struggle on a few more weeks I guess.

  10. #70
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Fair enough.
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

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