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Thread: Don't know where to turn or what to do

  1. #1

    Don't know where to turn or what to do

    I'll try to keep this brief to save a very long post, so forgive bullet points.

    Family history of depression including parent, grand parent, sibling.

    Suffered from early teens.

    Either overwhelming sadness resulting in being able to enjoy anything, or look forward to anything - Christmas, holidays, special events etc.

    Or...

    Varying levels of social anxiety - not being able to answer the phone or the answer the door, or just hating every second of being at an event unless I'm in a bubble of people I know and trust. Recent Christmas party in work despite my trying my best was hell.

    Everyone else seems to be having fun and being relaxed, yet I just want to die, hide and run away.

    Married, two kids. Wife supportive but not much help.

    Tried Fluoxetine, Citalopram, Venlafaxine, Sertraline and Mirtazapine.

    Mirtazapine helped a little with anxiety but didn't touch the depression, plus left me an exhausted, angry and irritable zombie and a nightmare for my kids and wife to live with.

    The others had a mild impart on both depression and anxiety with the best probably fluoxetine, however they all give me terrible sexual side effects. Inability to get or feel aroused, achieve orgasm or generally feel/enjoy anything. Like there was a disconnected link in my brain.

    I totally get that this is a result of almost all AD medicines.

    Here's the problems though.... Sex and sexual enjoyment is absolutely, totally and utterly fundamental to my well being. It;s the one thing in my life I cling on to for some kind of pleasure and release. It's my only 'thing' and to take this away is as bad as the depression.

    I'm not one of those people who enjoys sex every few days or once or twice a week - whether with my wife or more often on my own, it's a daily feature of my life and when this was taken away, I fell apart.

    I've tried 3 different GPS and none of them are interested, taking the view that "It's just one of those things you'll have to put up with".

    Not me.

    I've given up taking the SSRI SNRIs etc, etc as they all have the same effect.

    What absolutely boils my pi$$ and bounces my valves is that the internet is riddled with happy Americans and Canadians who enjoy Wellbutrin (Bupropion) without sexual side effects, yet it's not available in the UK for depression due to cost.

    I've asked for it each and every time and been turned down as they can't and won't prescribe it off label.

    I'm at the point of considering buying it off some dodgy Turkish website just to see if it works, but surely that's not the way we treat depression in the UK?

    I'm at my whits end, utterly fed up and feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

    To those of you who are not sexual beings, or have sexual pleasure as high on their personality make up as me, this post probably will not resonate, but I pray there might be someone out these that can relate to my plight and advise on a route to success.

    For the record, achieving and maintaining an erection is not a problem and never has been. The issue is that it might as well belong to someone else, as I can't feel anything and just end up enormously frustrated, unfulfilled and ultimately massively depressed again. i.e viagra is not the answer. A non-sexual side effects inducing AD is the answer, but I'm denied access in the UK.

    I've worn out the internet looking for solutions and can only find multiple threads and articles from other Brits who also cannot get access to Wellbutrin.

    Best way I can describe it is like amputating the legs of a ballet dancer to treat chronic hip pain. Great, the hip pain is treated, but....

  2. #2
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Ok, I'm not sure where I'm headed with this response, so bear with me?

    I get that sex and sexual activity is incredibly important to you, and I'm sure there are solutions which I'll head to in a bit, but is it not more important to be stable mentally before having sex?
    There are far more anti d's than the ones you have mentioned and there are many, many more combinations available which might help? If your GP isn't able to suggest something more helpful than "live with it" then maybe you could be referred to a psych for more help? Or the CMHT?

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    Ok, I'm not sure where I'm headed with this response, so bear with me?

    I get that sex and sexual activity is incredibly important to you, and I'm sure there are solutions which I'll head to in a bit, but is it not more important to be stable mentally before having sex?
    There are far more anti d's than the ones you have mentioned and there are many, many more combinations available which might help? If your GP isn't able to suggest something more helpful than "live with it" then maybe you could be referred to a psych for more help? Or the CMHT?
    I'd love to be mentally stable, but whenever I've got near that state, I've then suffered the sexual side effects that then makes me miserable, frustrated and withdrawn - the ballet dancer without legs' scenario. My self esteem plummets, the one thing in life I enjoy is taken away and I just spiral into misery again. I was on fluoxetine for 6 years. It was miserable.

    My GP(s) seem to want to keep trying SSRI/SNRI drugs, one after the other, each time causing me a new set of side effects then withdrawal symptoms, only to be be faced with the common denominator of the sexual side effects.

    They want to keep trying, yet don't seem to realise that all SSRI/SNRI drugs have that risk - every medical website there is acknowledge that one of the side effects of SSRI/SNRIs is sexual problems - not all suffer, but many do and I'm one of them, big time.

    Why keep trying the same type of drugs by various different names when the key fundamental way they work causes that effect with me. I'm allergic to all nuts. It's like the Doctor is insistent to keep trying me on different types of nut in case I'm not allergic to one of them - give up already, I'm allergic to nuts!!

    Forgive me - I'm just so frustrated.

    I appreciate that there are lots and lots of drugs available, but the only one I can find that doesn't have any reports of sexual side effets is Wellbutrin.

    Unless anyone else can point me towards another?

  4. #4
    Moderator of Awesomeness magie06's Avatar
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    Can I just say welcome to DWD.

  5. #5
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    We aren't qualified to suggest medication to you I'm afraid. All we can do is talk about our own experiences... Have you had counselling? There has to be other options. I really think you should ask for more help and support with other options.

  6. #6
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. Have you talked to your doctor about treating your depression with talking therapies? ADs are not the only form of treatment ....
    Come on everybody, join in the QUIZ, I need the competition!

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Paula View Post
    Hi and welcome. Have you talked to your doctor about treating your depression with talking therapies? ADs are not the only form of treatment ....
    Thanks for the replies.

    I've had a course of counselling sessions last year that helped sort a few back ground issues, but the medical/chemical imbalance exists irrespective and has done for the last 25 years or so.

    I went to the Doctors again this afternoon after a very rough weekend and she has agreed to refer me to a consultant psych specialist to see what's what.

    This is a source of some hope - of what I'm not sure, but it's a step in the right direction.

  8. #8
    Dear Ovalbug I understand exactly from where you are coming from. The 'sex' part kept me alive in the days of deepest and darkest depression. It got me into some trouble too. It is a long time ago. I had all the talking therapies too and it was a combination of medication and 'talking' therapies that got me well. I had inpatient treatment too. I can't offer solutions and was offered seroxat and a lengthy period on dothiepin which was very helpful at the time. 'Feeling' nothing is a feature of depression and to be denied the erotic part of your make -up must be a bitter pill.
    I am now on a cocktail of lithium and mirtazapine - prescribed by a psychiatrist but after a lengthy uphill battle.
    I'm all for the consultation with the psychiatrist and hopefully you will be able to find something that deals with the depression but does not flatten everything else as well.

  9. #9
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Well done for going back to speak to your GP and I'm glad you're going to get that referral too.

  10. #10
    Thanks for the replies.

    Would anyone who has had a psych referral be able to guide me through what to expect?

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