Don't know where to turn or what to do

[Ovalbug]

Just thought I'd update this as I had my much anticipated psych evaluation today.

We went through all the predictable stuff, discussed meds, history, how I’m feeling now etc and to be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about the suggestions/findings.

I hope they are not just based on my 45 mins of blabbering and more on previous notes/GP feedback etc.

In a nut shell they feel it’s a personality disorder rather than typical depression and that my best course of action is CBT.

That is not to suggest that medication will not help, but that it should not be the primary source of treatment.

It was also said that the challenge is that my way of thinking is possibly too heavily embedded to be significantly changed to achieve the desired result, but that pills might help the worst of it.

My enquiry into meds available in the USA and other countries led nowhere – i.e “not on the list = not happening”. Bupropion / Wellbutrin is not on the list.

I've been provided a list of their recommended/suggested ADs in their order of preference as Sertraline, Clomipramine, Trazoddone and Amitriptyline. But cited that all will likely carry undesirable side effects and sexual dysfunction. My research suggests that these are all available under primary care, so not the ‘special draw’ access I was hoping for at referral.

If I’m honest, I feel disappointed and somewhat let down/dismissed as a lost cause – i.e “Sorry, you’re just a stress head, but here’s some techniques to help you chill out and a selection of pills that might help”

I don’t know where to go from here, but there was no suggestion of follow up or after care and I feel the ball is very much in my court.

Thing is, despite trying to have an open mind, I can’t see CBT helping me overcome my zero coping mechanism issues and wanting to run away and cry at the slightest hurdle, nor my utter lethargy and lack of enjoyment of everyday life. It ‘feels’ clinical/chemical, not the result of a mind set that mood diaries and relaxation techniques could address, however that statement is based on my own ignorant perception.

Dunno – feel a bit abandoned and unsure of what to do next.

Perhaps it was unwise of me to put so much faith in secondary care.