Just wanted to say hi. I came across this forum today, it seems very friendly and although I don't know if it will help, I feel the need to reach out somehow.

I'm 48 and have been suffering with depression on and off for 12 years. I overthink things all the time, tend to worry, and have ocd. Over the past couple of years I have developed (social) anxiety quite badly too, to the extent that, other than going to work, I live in almost complete isolation. It freaks me out to go anywhere near crowds or small gatherings of people, not just strangers but also people I know. I am by no means shy or introverted, quite the opposite - which makes it difficult for me to work out what's causing this.

It feels like I am living almost like a recluse, locking myself in at home, cutting off all lines of communication, switching phone off - and although it makes me feel safe (this way I think people can't hurt me), at the same time it leads to loneliness and the ever-present fear that depression is never far away. My life is a complete paradox: I desperately try to integrate with people when my anxiety level is low, but can't wait to lock myself in as well. What's all that about?! It drives me nuts. I'm my own worst enemy! I'd be interested to hear if anyone else relates to this, and how they try to combat it.
Thanks for reading this.