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Thread: My little worries are building up...

  1. #1

    Unhappy My little worries are building up...

    Hi there...

    For the last couple of months I have felt extremely down, upset, angry, drained, lonely and pretty much want to give up but i'm struggling to put my finger on why.

    To give some background: I've just turned 21 and in my final year at university. I have lived with flatmates since year one and have genuinely loved it (and life) for the past three years. I have always been a very cheery and happy person with a real positive look on life. I consider myself to be extremely lucky and grateful for the family I have who love me including my boyfriend and best friend of 1.5 years.

    However, over the course of 2017 I have felt myself fade completely and have now hit rock bottom. I don't fully know what to say as I haven't actually spoken to a single person about this issue through the whole year but Iíll try describe what's going onÖ

    I studied in Canada aug-dec 2016 and fell in love with Toronto and think returning to a routine life in Jan hit hard. I was miserable after returning home but assumed I just missed the Canadian way however, looking back I can see now I never was the same.

    Summer was stressful with my waitressing job, we were understaffed (we're talking 1 waitress to about 70 customers) and lacked management and the place was not a nice environment. Anyways, I was struggling and would spend most nights awake, crying and unable to turn-off from the stress of work.

    Even with a new job (which I enjoy) I have found myself increasingly distant from my peers, loosing friends and arguing with my boyfriend over ridiculous issues that I think my feelings blow out of proportion. I picked a current and exciting topic for my dissertation however, my advisor is an over-confident, arrogant, and just quite nasty man who has totally knocked my confidence since scrutinizing and laughing at my work on many occasions.

    Since this, I have become completely disengaged with my uni work, unable to even read a whole passage, too nervous to write coursework and feeling completely overwhelmed with it all. This is showing in my grades and I am struggling to keep my head above the water with the workload and pressure from my advisor. I canít bring myself to tell my parents as they'll just worry and my boyfriend has enough things to stress about without this weight on his shoulders alsoÖwhat 21 year old wants a miserable girlfriend? Iím stressed about failing my final year and disappointing so many people, Iíve put on weight and canít bare to even look at myself some days which has ruined my social life as I donít have the confidence to leave my flat sometimes. I struggle to sleep and so have turned to cannabis however, I am fatigued and drained throughout the days. I cry most days however no one would know as I smile and continue to be there for everyone else's problems, they're all clueless about mines...

    I have not yet been diagnosed with depression, I donít even know if this is what depression is? Iíve never felt this low and I did just contact the uni about counselling as I have been dealing with this completely alone for months now however, they say thereís a waiting list of at least 6-8 weeks just for the assessment. I just donít know what to do anymore as am on the brink of dropping out of uni but I feel like I cannot burden anyone in my life with these worries.

    I'm sorry for the ridiculously long post but feel like everything in my life is an issue at the moment and I worry about when i'm going to burst.

  2. #2
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi there and welcome to DWD.

    Sweetheart you sound so sad. I promise you that talking is going to help you get better. You need to see your Dr and tell them what you've told us.
    Can you complain about your tutor? He sounds like a terrible personal tutor for something as important as a dissertation!
    ďYou can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.Ē
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  3. #3
    Welcome.

    I'm a student too! I fully understand what you're going through. I'm sure your boyfriend will understand if you told him. You should confide in him don't worry about stressing him out too much. Maybe it would make you feel better...you don't have to tell him everything. Even to tell him something at all may help you. Depending your relationship with your parents maybe you could tell them.

    Try to avoid cannabis it wont help.
    I am an insomniac for the last 7 years! GP's refuse to prescribe me anything. Well my GP does yours may be very different.
    So I totally understand, but do not find drugs a solution.

    I would recommend you go to the GP ASAP and have a discussion with them.

    If you ever need someone to speak to feel free to PM me.

  4. #4
    Thank you loads for replying, I've become really anxious with everything and am too nervous to visit a doctor incase they think i'm wasting their time. I know it sounds silly, but last time I went for an extremely sore throat they told me I shouldn't be wasting NHS medicine and time etc on a sore throat (then called me the next day with my swab results putting me on a 2 week antibiotic course as it was severely infected). I just remember feeling really embarrassed as they said that so I just worry they'll say the same again.

    I'd love to complain but am worried as each topic is allocated to an expert in that field (which he is) and so I don'y want to risk having to change my dissertation or ruin my chances at it being ok...

  5. #5
    Yeah I know my family and boyfriend would help support me through this but he really is so stressed about uni (and he has a really nagging best friend who takes up a lot of his time with his issues). My parents too, they've worked so hard their whole lives to give me an amazing upbringing I cant face giving them this issue in return. My sister has just moved to the same uni so my mum is alone quite a lot which has affected her so I don't want my problems as something to worry about. My dad works away a lot to keep us afloat financially and the thought of having this added pressure and worry on them is awful.

    I think i'll defos go to the GP about my sleep, i'm just struggling to find any time at the moment to do it the now

    Thank you so much for messaging

  6. #6
    Moderator of Awesomeness magie06's Avatar
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    Good luck with your GP. If you feel like you'll forget anything just print out your first post here. You've described very well how things are for you. Have a hug for now.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to magie06 For This Useful Post:

    Alexis (12-12-17)

  8. #7
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Definitely go and speak to the Dr. It's important. They won't tell you off for wasting their time because you aren't.
    What I will say is that telling your parents isn't a sign of you letting them down etc. I promise you (as a Mum) that if you were my daughter I would want to know that you were struggling.
    ďYou can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.Ē
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  9. #8
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi Alexis and welcome. I had my first bout of depression when I was 16 and didnít talk to anyone about how I was feeling. It was another 11 years before I finally admitted there was a problem, and only because my mum frogmarched me down to the doctors. Iíll never know if I could have prevented further issues if Iíd have got help sooner but I do know that I would have coped much, much better if Iíd have had the support of my friends, family and doctors. As a mum (my eldest is about your age) I was devastated when we found out my youngest was struggling and hadnít wanted to tell us because she didnít want to make things difficult for me. Believe me, your mum would feel the same
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  10. #9
    Hi - welcome to the site...

    Speaking for past experience about Uni .... please try to speak to your GP in the first instance and seek help....
    I would also really advise you to speak to your parents .... i KNOW how hard it is ....

    Going back over 20 years now - but i was in my final year at uni and think i had depression (didn't realise this at the time but was deeply down, troubled and in a bad place).... i let my work slide.... i started attending less ... and it wasn't until it was too late for my degree that i finally broke down and told my parents ..... they were super supportive but for me it was too late and i dropped out

    Please try and seek help before it's too late for you .... you might be able to defer a year - take a year out ... get extensions i dunno ... the uni will TRY and help you make it through but they cannot if they don't know ....

    I didn't speak to my parents until it was breaking point degree wise and mentally ..... had i done it a few months before i could have saved it .... It was a hard conversation - i just collapsed and it all spilled out .... speaking now as a parent i know i would want my children to come to me no matter what the problem.

    Seek help ... it's there - especially with uni ..... hope you can find the courage to do it....

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to JamieW For This Useful Post:

    Paula (12-12-17)

  12. #10
    I've decided to tell my boyfriend tomorrow night. We both have our last exams tomorrow and so feel like it's a good time to finally unload and let him know!
    I'm going to tell my parents eventually I wont be home until christmas eve however and don't think thats the best time for news like that so it may have to wait until the new year but I'm definitely going to speak to them before I start back uni in the next semester

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:

    Suzi (12-12-17)

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