ophelia's room TRIGGERS

[ophelia]

of others dying

when I see it on the news.. these people got shot or what ever, I get so envious.

it's really sad, yes

but where I am coming from is this:

these people are usually people with a lot to live for, people who get a lot out of life.. in some cases, children- who have not even begun to live yet.
and I think... why not me?

i'm here taking up space, unhappy with my life and how it's turned out, yet I'm forced to continue

it's almost like a curse..

why does this happen

[ophelia]

and the high is over for now.

crashing back to depression and pretty fast

feels strange coming down so quickly

[ophelia]

I wouldn't read anything into it...

I've always been a little supersticious
these things.. break a mirror and get 7 years bad luck- they are true, in my opinion

I've never broken a mirror... I try not to

for that reason- because I believe it

[S deleted]

So what exactly are you saying? Is it envy as such or are you wishing you could trade places so they could live their lives and your pain be ended? I have to admit I feel like I’m only living for everyone else. My kids, family, friends, even my dog cos I don’t seem to get any satisfaction from anything I do. Decisions are made based on which is the least awful option not because I want to do it itms. It’s all become a bit of a drag.

[ophelia]

So what exactly are you saying? Is it envy as such or are you wishing you could trade places so they could live their lives and your pain be ended? I have to admit I feel like I’m only living for everyone else. My kids, family, friends, even my dog cos I don’t seem to get any satisfaction from anything I do. Decisions are made based on which is the least awful option not because I want to do it itms. It’s all become a bit of a drag.

I am saying that I am the one in a lot of emotional pain, and usually the people you hear about arn't- usually the people still want to live and have stuff they want to do

[Paula]

Ophelia, I’ve added a trigger warning to your thread. While your post doesn’t exactly come under our standard triggers, this is a subject that is tough for some. Also, I’ve merged 3 of your threads into your diary thread as you’ve created several new threads today that don’t really need to be stand alone.

I’ll reply to your thread later, if I may, as a friends just turned up

[Suzi]

I am saying that I am the one in a lot of emotional pain, and usually the people you hear about arn't- usually the people still want to live and have stuff they want to do

You don't know that they aren't in a lot of emotional pain. It's very rare that you see behind the masks that people put up. I know from the outside the lives of people I know look fantastic, but it's only when you dig around or get to know someone that you know completely differently...

[ophelia]

You don't know that they aren't in a lot of emotional pain. It's very rare that you see behind the masks that people put up. I know from the outside the lives of people I know look fantastic, but it's only when you dig around or get to know someone that you know completely differently...

using an example,

the manchester attacks

most of the people killed during the manchester attacks didn't have a choice.

some of them were young teenagers who had barely begun to live, others were parents of children, some of them were just on a good night out

this is what i'm saying

these people have reasons to live, and shouldn't be killed

people like me don't have a reason to live, yet still are forced to survive

seems unfair

[Suzi]

I'm sorry that you feel that it's unfair you have life. This isn't something that will last forever. Things will change.

[ophelia]

I'm sorry that you feel that it's unfair you have life. This isn't something that will last forever. Things will change.

I've been hearing that now for years

sadly though this isn't a fairytale where everything ends happily ever after... this is life, and in this case, a very wasted one.