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Thread: Boyfriend with depression has ended things

  1. #1
    Sallycinnamon
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    Unhappy Boyfriend with depression has ended things

    I've been seeing this guy for a year. We're in our early 40's and have kids from previous relationships who we have both grown close to. We live around 50 minutes from each other and as Im a single parent we manage to see each other every weekend but talk daily. He suffers from depression which gets worse this time of year and he'll go from being happy and loving, talks about moving in and getting married (instigated by him) to I'd be better off without him and the hassle of his complicated life. Both his exes are making it difficult for him to see the kids who he loves dearly and they him. He told me he has never loved anyone like he loves me and has never had someone so supportive. We had a great weekend away together last weekend and on Monday night he told me that after this weekend he loved me even more and that I was his soulmate. On Tuesday he finished with me saying he was struggling with his life (his ex and children) and the distance between us and couldn't do it anymore and he'd been struggling for a while. He said it was breaking his heart having to do it. This was done through text. He wouldn't answer the phone to me. He then blocked me and my children from Facebook. I sent him a long heartfelt message yesterday on WhatsApp which he read but didn't respond to and admittedly a few hours later I sent him another one calling him cruel the way he ended things without even the decency of a phone call and that I didn't deserve this that he's broken my heart. I said that I would block him on WhatsApp and my phone so he wouldn't have to hear from me again. Now I'm in a panic because we can't communicate at all and even if I unblock him what if he doesn't respond again? I'm heartbroken, feel helpless and so confused. How can someone say they love someone so much one day to cut you out of their life the next day? Is this the depression or was he lying for the whole of the relationship?

  2. #2
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome, Sally, Iím so sorry youíve been hurt like this. No one except your boyfriend can tell you why heís made this decision. There could be any number of reasons - he may have felt this way for a while but didnít know how to tell you, he may be finding the balancing act between his exes, his children and you too hard to cope with. It may be that he feels heís a burden on you and doesnít want to continue doing this to you, it may be he feels youíre better off without him. Depression can also make you feel numb and this may mean he feels his feelings for you are suppressed - and this potentially could happen overnight.

    I canít tell you whether you should unblock him or not but I would say itís early days to give up on him. He may just need you to gently tell him that you wonít put any pressure on him but that youíre there for him if he needs you. Let him know youíre not going anywhere right now and leave it in his court. Ultimately, it may not change anything but he may appreciate having the space to deal with whatever heís going through
    Come on everybody, join in the QUIZ, I need the competition!

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  4. #3
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome to DWD.
    I completely agree with everything that Paula has said. I am also sorry that you're in pain, but you guys have been together for over a year and you say that you are aware of his mental health and this can be a horrible time for so many with the changing of the seasons, the getting dark earlier, the run up to Christmas etc No it doesn't excuse his behaviour at all, and dumping you by text suggests to me that he's not done it because he really wanted to, but maybe because he didn't think he deserves you or you shouldn't be with someone like him. Depression robs people of self worth, self esteem and just envelopes them in a dark cloud....

    Again I can't tell you what to do, but is it worth another go to see if maybe what he needs is to see his Dr?
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

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  6. #4
    Sallycinnamon
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    Thank you both for your kind replies. He hasn't admitted to himself that he suffers from depression. I hinted at him going to see his doctor a few months back but he said he didn't need to go. He sees himself as feeling low through circumstances out of his control and not depressed. He had said at that time that he thought I'd be better off without him him and that his kids would be too. Which is absolutely not true he's an excellent Father. I'm scared to reach out to him as I sent him quite an angry last message calling him cruel and that I hoped that his son's don't grow up to treat women like he does. I deeply regret that message but it was out of frustration that I'd sent him such a long heartfelt message a few hours before and he didn't reply. Now I'm petrified of contacting him.

  7. #5
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Maybe you should just tell him that you regret sending the message, it was sent out of anger but actually you feel....... ?
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

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  9. #6
    Sallycinnamon
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    I was thinking of sending a message saying that. Maybe like Paula suggested. Then maybe telling him if he really doesn't want anything to do with me he could block me from WhatsApp and delete my number as I'm not strong enough to do it?

  10. #7
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    You probably donít need to talking about blocking numbers - if he wants to he will, if he doesnít he may see it as a hint that you want him to.
    Come on everybody, join in the QUIZ, I need the competition!

  11. #8
    Sallycinnamon
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    Yes I didn't think of it that way. My mind is not functioning properly at the moment. He's at work all day today plus sleeping in there so maybe I'll wait until he's home tomorrow?

  12. #9
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Just speak from the heart, send the message when you are ready. Be warned it might take a while for him to reply - just hang on in there.
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  13. #10
    Sallycinnamon
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    I'm building myself up to send it and my stomach is in knots. I''m in limbo at the moment so I guess that when I send the message I'll know where I stand if he answers or not. Then I'll leave it to him.

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