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Thread: First time having depression *SH trigger*

  1. #1

    First time having depression *SH trigger*

    Hi All

    I have come here as I really don't know what else to do I have always had times of feeling down but lately there doesn't seem to be no let up in it. I feel so useless and hate the fact I'm always miserable. I have nothing to feel depressed about and feel a bit stupid writing this. I feel I'm trapped and stuck I don't want to go to the doctors as I feel I won't be taken seriously. I am also two months into a new stressful job which isn't helping but also don't want to take time off with anything. I feel like I'm wasting people's time when writing this. I don't feel like I should have depression and like I'm being stupid. I hate it. I went to the doctors one time before I had a week on medication and when I went back told them I was fine despite not being. Saturday evening I self harmed in a minor way I scratched my upper arm a number of times. I felt stupid when I'd done it and explained it off as a sporting injury to my wife. Just really stuck and find an excuse to not take paths to get myself better which generallly revolve around not wanting to waste people's time or cause issues at work because I am still on trial and am the main bread winner in the family. I feel trapped and just want someone to sort all this for me whilst I hide under a blanket. I'm hoping just writing this helps me but I really don't know what to do
    Last edited by Paula; 13-11-17 at 09:49 PM. Reason: Added trigger warning as per DWD policy

  2. #2
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    And welcome . Ive added a trigger warning to your thread. Its not a problem, we just need to make sure other members are able to avoid threads they may find difficult.

    Lovely, there is nothing stupid about depression and about how youre feeling. Its not something you make up and your doctor should definitely take you seriously. There are many treatments for depression, not just anti depressants, and treatment would normally involve a combination of drugs, talking therapies and self help. But you need to talk to your doctor, get a proper diagnosis and persevere with treatment.

    Self harm is a coping mechanism. It sounds odd, I know, but it can change emotional pain into physical pain or give a sense of control, along with other reasons. So its not stupid but Its not a good coping mechanism! When you see your doctor, itd be sensible to tell them about this too. In the meantime, please make sure your wounds are clean and treated.
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  3. #3
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. I guarantee that you're not wasting anybodies time. The way that you are feeling IS real, and really is important.
    Have you told your wife how you are feeling?

    Please, please do go and see your GP and print out what you've said to us. Depression is just as real and just as deserving of being treated properly as any other medical condition. You do have the right to be happy...
    You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  4. #4
    Thank you both. It's good to be able to talk about it. Wounds seems a far to serious of a word. More like cat scratches. My wife is aware because of my constant low mood but I don't think she's aware of how I feel. I feel like I just want to hide until this goes away. I don't feel I can take time off work because of the situation I'm under a lot of pressure to supply for the house. I have two young children also

  5. #5
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Can you not talk to your wife about it? Check out the website www.time-to-change.co.uk for ideas about how to talk to those around you about how you are feeling. As the wife of someone with depression, I can tell you that for her she will know that things are tough, but it'll be easier if she knows what is going on in your head.
    You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  6. #6
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    There doesn't always have to be a reason for depression, sometimes it just is. You have no need to feel stupid and you are not alone lovely. Keep talking. It helps.
    Tn prdu, jhami s rcbro

  7. #7
    Thank you everyone. It's odd I just feel like this is my life now. I'm under pressure to earn a certain amount of money to keep the house hold running and the slightest comment good or bad from work or home gets completely over analysed and always comes out with the worst scenario. The worst thing is I feel like I'm just getting to the point of this is my life now. I literally just want to disappear and just look after myself butmcould never do that to the children

  8. #8
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    What about speaking to your GP about how you feel now you've managed to talk to us a bit? What about talking to your wife?
    You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  9. #9
    I've tried talking to my wife. I don't think she really knows what to do, she's said got to the doctors but I don't think I could face that, I feel like I just want to curl up in a ball whilst someone I know does it all for me

  10. #10
    I totally get you on this PBK, our situations are very similar (I posted an introduction yesterday with details). One thing Id say is that as youve been in the job 2 months you presumably went through an interview recently for it? I dont know how many applicants they had but lets say you were chosen from 30 other people. Thats quite a recognition of your potential...

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