Newbie *AB TRIGGERS*

[JadeW]

Hi Suzie invited me here from FB.
I have treatment resistant complex ptsd, and depression is a result of the hyperarousal/anxiety from the ptsd.
I have slight bipolar 2 as well so I sometimes get a little bit hypomanic which leads to a bit of depression too.
Recently my thoughts are becoming more chaotic and addled, so I am going to ask my pdoc tomorrow for an antipsychotic.
In the past 20 years I haven't trialled an antipsychotic I am not highly allergic too but things are getting bad enough to give it another go.
I am physically and neurologically disabled as well. Being essentially bedridden doesn't help.
Today was my best day since the Friday before last. My carer was able to bathe me and we went for a drive in the car for 15 minutes. They have not been able to get me out of bed except to toilet me.
I have been fixated on death and really worried that I've missed the window for my physical, cognitive and psychiatric health to be well enough for me to get my affairs in order. Even if my passing is not imminent, I am worried that I've missed the boat. I keep reassuring myself that I do bounce back and that I have to make it #1 priority, instead of humour of fun, when I am feeling better. Every time I bounce back, I always lose ground on where I was the previous health relapse and I live in denial. I am socially isolated. I have no friends or family.
I have a support coordinator, a pdoc who skypes with me, a gp (when I'm well enough to see him) and daily paid carers, with the option of 24 hr care when required in crisis. My NDIS plan is huge. It's been impossible to get the care I've needed for most of the year, so there is heaps of funds left.