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Thread: Newbie *AB TRIGGERS*

  1. #1

    Newbie *AB TRIGGERS*

    Hi Suzie invited me here from FB.
    I have treatment resistant complex ptsd, and depression is a result of the hyperarousal/anxiety from the ptsd.
    I have slight bipolar 2 as well so I sometimes get a little bit hypomanic which leads to a bit of depression too.
    Recently my thoughts are becoming more chaotic and addled, so I am going to ask my pdoc tomorrow for an antipsychotic.
    In the past 20 years I haven't trialled an antipsychotic I am not highly allergic too but things are getting bad enough to give it another go.
    I am physically and neurologically disabled as well. Being essentially bedridden doesn't help.
    Today was my best day since the Friday before last. My carer was able to bathe me and we went for a drive in the car for 15 minutes. They have not been able to get me out of bed except to toilet me.
    I have been fixated on death and really worried that I've missed the window for my physical, cognitive and psychiatric health to be well enough for me to get my affairs in order. Even if my passing is not imminent, I am worried that I've missed the boat. I keep reassuring myself that I do bounce back and that I have to make it #1 priority, instead of humour of fun, when I am feeling better. Every time I bounce back, I always lose ground on where I was the previous health relapse and I live in denial. I am socially isolated. I have no friends or family.
    I have a support coordinator, a pdoc who skypes with me, a gp (when I'm well enough to see him) and daily paid carers, with the option of 24 hr care when required in crisis. My NDIS plan is huge. It's been impossible to get the care I've needed for most of the year, so there is heaps of funds left.
    Last edited by Paula; 16-11-17 at 10:06 AM. Reason: Added trigger warning as per DWD policy

  2. #2
    Moderator of Awesomeness magie06's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome to DWD. You will find that we are a friendly bunch and you will normally get a reply the same day as you post. For now, have a look around and jump in where and when you like. Again you are very welcome here.

  3. #3
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome, Jade . What makes you worried youíve missed the window?
    Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

  4. #4
    Thanks Maggie,

    Quote Originally Posted by Paula View Post
    Hi and welcome, Jade . What makes you worried youíve missed the window?
    Because my neurological and psychological capacity is declining so fast. You have to have legal capacity to get this stuff done and the times when I am legally well enough to get this stuff across the line is getting fewer and farther between.

    Because I am often bedridden, I don't know about how to get a solicitor to me. It is something I have never had to do before, so I don't know how to go about all that.

    I feel pretty vulnerable, if I'm perfectly honest. Thanks for both of your responses.

  5. #5
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome lovely. I'm glad you made it here.
    Sweetheart there are solicitors who do house calls, it might be a case of asking around your local area - but you can get better from where you are now lovely. Shall we start with the basics?
    Have you eaten? Had something to drink and taken your meds?
    There's only us, There's only this, Forget regret, Or life is your to miss,
    No other road, No other way, No day but today. (Rent. Jonathan Larson)

    Look! I'm walking a marathon in May for the British Heart Foundation!
    Sponsor me if you fancy! No pressure, cheerleaders needed too!

    https://mymarathon18.everydayhero.com/uk/s-shaw

  6. #6
    That's really hard to read... I will put in some spaces.

    Hi, I'm starting to get psychosis and massive blackouts. I'm getting so confused that I'm getting lost in my own small housing commission house. I have trouble remembering how to use the television remote.

    The antipsychotic trial didn't work and I am not able to take other mood stabilisers. When I am next able to get back to the GP, I will need to get bloods taken because my pdoc thinks my Topamax is too high but my mood is so unstable, I would hate to think of going lower than 100mg. I have trouble sleeping on 15mg Zopiclone + 50mg Doxylamine + 25mg Diazepam + 25mg Baclofen + 5mg Prazosin which my pdoc has set as my maximum for me. I never go beyond what my pdoc tells me is my maximum dose, no matter how bad I am. I hope it is okay to talk about meds here. Please edit if not okay.

    I have got a general neuro appointment come up in January and that will help manage the mitochondrial disorder and suspected dementia. I have been referred to the same doctor for a functional neuro appointment for the functional neurological disorder, so it is good the one neuro may manage the 2-3 neuro disorders.

    I have had frozen shoulder for nearly three months, from closing a gate, not realising I had done any damage at the time. I am getting steroid injections. They have picked up other injuries that are most likely from my childhood abuse that is complicating the healing process that may need attention but I feel too sick to deal with it and my GP has allowed me to put further investigations on the backburner for now. At least I got the ultrasound done. That is just the tip of the iceberg.

    I'm working with my support coordinator to put my end of life arrangements in place. We are also working towards getting home maintenance work done. We have to get an OT assessment to get me a new wheelchair.

    My old provider has defrauded my NDIA account about $10,000 even though I raised the alarm and advised the NDIA that I had instructed the provider to run invoices by me before submitting and advised the NDIA not to pay until I authorised the invoices were correct. The provider did not present me with the invoices and the NDIA paid fraudulent invoices regardless without my consent and refused to reimburse my plan the amount of the fraud. I am still being harassed by the provider despite providing a representative. They have come to my house during the weekend, text me during the early hours of the money. The CEO has called me after hours to argue with me. They email me from new email addresses to get around the block. Finally the NDIA are investigating the provider and I have had to work hard to supply all the evidence to show all the ways this provider has breached the regulations. It is hard work and I'm not young so I am prepared that the outcome of the investigation in the face of overwhelming evidence of fraud could be "no case to answer". But I also know that if I have done my best, it's okay. That is what is infuriating - that "my best" is so weak now. I'm so vulnerable. If I was well, I could mop the floor with these guys - and that is how they get away with these things because they prey on vulnerable people. That makes me want to fight them harder but I have nothing left in my tank to fight with.

    I tried to get into a peer support group to get out of the house but I was rejected for being too sick. My carer and I are chipping away at finding another peer support group and step by step slowly getting me engaged in a group somehow, with the support of my carer. Suzi, just to put your mind at rest, I'm really good at looking after myself. My carers always say that I'm a good influence on them because I model healthy behaviours

  7. #7
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi Jade, Iíve added a trigger warning to your thread. Itís nothing to worry about, it just ensures members who may be triggered by certain subjects can avoid the thread if necessary.

    Iíve also deleted the duplicate post for you

    Lovely, Iím so sorry. I wish I could say something more helpful but your situation absolutely sucks. I think youíre incredibly brave and Iím sending lots and lots of gentle hugs
    Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

  8. #8
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    I know so little about how to help you fight the insurance issues over there, I honestly wouldn't know where to suggest you try for help and support either.

    Do you have any hobbies that you can enjoy or that can help you to get out a bit more?
    There's only us, There's only this, Forget regret, Or life is your to miss,
    No other road, No other way, No day but today. (Rent. Jonathan Larson)

    Look! I'm walking a marathon in May for the British Heart Foundation!
    Sponsor me if you fancy! No pressure, cheerleaders needed too!

    https://mymarathon18.everydayhero.com/uk/s-shaw

  9. #9
    Thanks Paula, for making my post compliant. Can I ask a newbie question. What does AB stand for? *blush* for my ignorance.

    Thank you Paula and Suzi for having the strength to respond to such a difficult post.

    Today, was productive. I see my GP for my MH plan in 10 days now. I cannot start steroid injections until 11 Dec but at least I started taking anti-inflammatories today. I knew I had to start on Wed arvo but hadn't managed to coordinate my brain to start until today.

    I have lost all of my 5 closest friends this year due to the severity and the complexity of my symptoms. My peripheral friends pretty much ignore me too. Today I was surprised to be tagged by a four year friend on FB this morning. However, it was to say something very negative about me. I inboxed her challenging her about ignoring me three times when I asked her last week to fill in my memory loss about a FB memory about a serious incident that happened three years ago but she had no trouble tagging me to take a shot at me. She replied "Whatever, it was in the name of fun, if you can't take it, then bye!" and unfriended me. We weren't as close as we were 3-4 years ago but I still cared about her and had supported her through her recent marriage breakdown. I emailed her to say that I cared about her and that I would miss her, took a valium and cried my eyes out. Obviously the friendship had died anyway but it just confirmed how little I mean to people.
    A woman I met in psych rang me. I answered it even though I was blubbering and she told me how wonderful she thought I was. Later, one of my five friends who ditched me rang. Because I was too sick to attend the peer support group he took pity on me and is calling in after the support group tomorrow. Funny how weird things happen like that.

    About two years ago, when my claim for TPD was denied the representative tipped me off verbally that it had been denied illegally - that I had satisfied every criteria and any solicitor would be able to get my claim approved. My health has taken up all of my time. I didn't have the capacity to follow up any legal issues. My carer helped me today to phone a solicitor today that the QLS recommended. She had a lovely, efficient but warm manner. She put me on conference call with my superannuation company. Their response was suspect, abrupt and very evasive as soon as they got access to my file and my solicitor was very assertive, confrontational and like a terrier. Only if my case is open/closed with no dramas will I pursue it. My next door neighbour said the solicitors took 60% of her claim, Centrelink 20% and she got 20% and had heaps of stress. I will have to let it go if it involves any stress.

    My support coordinator gave me the contact for home maintenance but I told her we had to let it run over to next week along with other stuff. The OT stuff is further down the list than that. Having a neurological dx should have got me a support coordinator automatically even if not severe and complex disability. It took me 3 months and a failed review to get the support coordinator that I should have got straight up. After all that NDIA now has the hide to give my support coordinator a hard time about not implementing my plan fast enough because we are limited in pace by my disabilities. I wrote a email about how if the NDIA didn't give me such a hard time we would get so much more work done - and my carers backed me up about how frequently they observe NDIA-related stress impacts on my health, my capacity to function, and the implementation of my NDIA plan. There is no winning against the government but at least it is recorded in black and white.

    My last Suicide Call Back counselling session is next Friday. My pdoc will talk to my GP about local therapist. MH plan on 27 November.

    My psychiatrist, GP, Support Coordinator and Carers are fantastic. They sustain me.

    Thank you again for your responses.

  10. #10
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    AB refers to potential abuse triggers. On that note, have you ever had any counselling to help you cope with the impact of that abuse?

    You talk about how little you think you mean to others and, given how appallingly youíve been treated, Iím not surprised you feel that way. However, you have had phone calls from two people who obviously care and want to support you and I hope you can take comfort from that
    Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

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