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Thread: Feels like a catch-22

  1. #1

    Feels like a catch-22

    Figured that distraction might be a good thing ... i used to be a pretty enthusiastic amateur fashion photographer --- i did a lot of shoots and was pretty proud of the results i achieved plus it was a massive distraction but since 2nd child was born 4 years ago ... all hobbies died plus i am suffering with depression and a degree of GAD

    I've decided that medication is going to be asked for when i see doctors in 9 days but i got out my camera at the weekend and basically stared at it
    I feel a total lack of creativity and desire to do it .... its now sat on my desk and i just can't get any ideas or inspiration

    Part of the whole feeling of emptiness that's hovering around me this past year... no passion, enthusiasm or drive to do anything and just not taking pleasure or pride in anything.

    Think part of me that was struggling to come to terms with accepting possibility of medication was on the basis that many people (i know everyone's different) seem to say they feel numb on SSRI's..... maybe its just me trying to find the negative in anything positive .... it's how i exist right now ... Just seemingly want to hide in my corner and not come out for anything or anyone.

    Feel like i'm living 2 lives .... the one people at work and in general 'see' that i present (everything is fine and i'm happy) and how i am inside.... almost screaming for attention and help but not seeking it or asking for it (unless this is it)

    I am not asking for medical advice here but just in people's experience .... do people feel more drive and want to do things with AD's?
    I want to do stuff but i just cannot bridge the void at the moment

  2. #2
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Without ADs my life stops. I become introverted, panicky, housebound etc etc. With ADs I get my life back.
    There are side effects but I couldn’t exist without them
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  3. #3
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
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    I was reluctant to start taking meds but eventually felt I was running out of options. It took a long time to find meds that suited me and when I did the difference within just a few days was noticeable. Generally it takes a few weeks to really get the full benefits but I guess I was lucky. My ex partner also had mental health issues and although he claimed they didn’t work for him I noticed a big change in him when he was taking them compared to when he was off them.
    ‘The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.'
    J. M. Barrie

  4. #4
    Thanks - i just can't stop thinking about "what if they're terrible" "what if they don't work"
    But like you (i think it was you) said on the other post .... i can't go on this way - the 'side effects' of my depression and everything else is ruining my life as it is and making me not want it....

    It's like i have 2 people inside my head fighting each other.... its maddening

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Paula View Post
    With ADs I get my life back.
    That's it.... i want my life back ... i want 'me' back; a me that doesn't hate everything about himself

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to JamieW For This Useful Post:

    Paula (10-10-17)

  7. #6
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    My husband it completely different on and off anti d's - they really have changed all of our lives.
    Re the camera - why not take your camera and go for a walk and just "snap" away and see whether it sparks that bug again - my husband and I took our cameras out to churches to take photo's of stain glass windows etc...
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

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    JamieW (10-10-17)

  9. #7
    I'm going to go tomorrow instead of waiting another 10 days (to see the doc i wanted to).... just going to wing it in the morning 'walk in' service...
    Not sure how i'm gonna do it yet .... But i need something to help here.

  10. #8
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
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    Print off your posts if that helps and show to the gp
    ‘The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.'
    J. M. Barrie

  11. #9
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JamieW View Post
    That's it.... i want my life back ... i want 'me' back; a me that doesn't hate everything about himself
    I think this is a good place to start with the doctor.

    Will you let us know how you get on?
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  12. #10
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JamieW View Post
    I'm going to go tomorrow instead of waiting another 10 days (to see the doc i wanted to).... just going to wing it in the morning 'walk in' service...
    Not sure how i'm gonna do it yet .... But i need something to help here.
    Good for you. Will you let us know how you get on please?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

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