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Thread: New and in need of support (possible triggers)

  1. #1

    New and in need of support (possible triggers)

    My name is James I'm 28 and for as long as I can remember I've suffered from social anxiety and depression. Last year it got to a new low and I went to the doctor and took 7 weeks of work in an attempt to regain control but now it's back and worse than before.

    A little backstory. One of the people who I trusted completely stabbed me in the back which directly led to my breakdown last year. As a result I found it really difficult to trust anybody else which brings me to this year.
    While playing on my Xbox I ended up becoming really good friends with someone I met online. In spite of the fact we never met in real life we got on really well to the point where I confided in her about my mental problems. For a while everything was fine but the my anxiety got the better of me and I started to question how real our friendship was.

    Over and over I'd push her away regret it immediately and apologise only to do the same things again. Worse still my fear of losing her made me act really clingy and it got to be too much for her until she basically stopped talking to me all together. The most recent time she responded by telling me to "Back off grow up and stop using my depression as an excuse" she also made it very clear she no longer cares.

    Now I feel completely alone I've got nothing and no-one and its reached the point where I feel like suicide is the only option I have left.

  2. #2
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
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    Hi James and welcome to DWD. I know how much it hurts to lose people you think you have a connection with. I too push people away when I'm feeling low and yeah, some people can't take it and they walk away, but sometimes you find people who understand you, who have maybe been where you are. I have felt so desperate that ending my life seemed like the only way out but I'm still here and I look back at those darkest of times and had I successfully ended it I wouldn't have met some amazing friends on this forum who help me battle through each day. You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel right now but it is there I promise.
    ‘The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.'
    J. M. Barrie

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Stella180 For This Useful Post:

    Suzi (22-09-17)

  4. #3
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Hey James and welcome to DWD. Please, please, please get some help with how you are feeling. I promise you that this isn't how you'll feel forever and taking steps to end your life when it's a temporary situation is more than a waste. I promise you that the world is a much better place with you in it. If you feel like moving towards taking your own life, please call a helpline or get some emergency medical help.

    Stella is right, so often when people are feeling bad they push away those who they love the most. It's not something that you can't change... I would desperately urge you to get to your Dr and tell them everything you are telling us.
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  5. #4
    Thank you both of you. I am planning to go to the doctor at the next chance i get but unfortunately money is really tight at the moment and I can't afford to take time off from work. I actually planned to take an overdose today I bought sleeping pills and had even planned out a note to leave to my family but then I looked at the possible after effects of a failed overdose and that more than anything scared me out of going through with it.

  6. #5
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    I'm really glad you didn't take that option. I promise you that it isn't always going to be like this.
    Have you destroyed the tablets?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  7. #6
    No I'm keeping them but only to use for their intended purpose. I tend to lie awake most nights overthinking everything in my life so they should hopefully come in useful.

  8. #7
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    James, how are you today lovely?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  9. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    James, how are you today lovely?
    Much the same as yesterday tbh. Still feeling really low although part of that is because I've been at work. Slept well last night though do the pills at least helped. Thanks for asking.

  10. #9
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    I'm so glad you posted. If you don't mind, just whilst you're in crisis, I'd love it if you could just check in in the morning and evening or I'll worry even more about you!
    Have you tried calling a helpline? CALM or the Samaritans are really good. Will you go and see your Dr asap?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  11. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    I'm so glad you posted. If you don't mind, just whilst you're in crisis, I'd love it if you could just check in in the morning and evening or I'll worry even more about you!
    Have you tried calling a helpline? CALM or the Samaritans are really good. Will you go and see your Dr asap?
    Difficult in the morning because I'm not a morning person at the best of times but I can try. Talking to people is something I really struggle with especially strangers and over the phone is even worse. I could never use a helpline no matter how bad things got. I am going to go to the doctor but I need to wait for a day off from work when I don't have anything to do first.

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