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Thread: Mother with depression, won't help herself...

  1. #1

    Mother with depression, won't help herself...

    My Mother has always been quite controlling and had some issues, mostly depression I think. I have learnt to deal with it but my sister has been unable to, and cannot hold her tongue just to keep a happy house. I feel that my whole life has been miserable and stepping on egg shells just to make sure my Mum is always happy, but it's just something I have lived with for so long that I'm used to it now.

    A few years ago my Mother and younger sister had a huge argument which left them not speaking - 3 years later and they still have not spoken and in the process, my Sister does not talk to any of my family now, including me. Myself and my Father have tried our best to mend things but nothing works and we cannot get them to make up or even talk to each other, we even missed her wedding and she missed mine. After we missed my sisters wedding, my Mum had a break down and I managed to get her into some counselling sessions and also to the Doctors for some anti-depressants to help her. She only went to a few counselling sessions and gave them up because they were too hard for her. However, she did stick with the anti-depressants for a year or so and they were really helping. I finally started to feel like she was happy and she had stopped arguing and fighting everyone (except my sister) Her relationship with my Dad improved and she did seem a better version of herself.

    However, a few weeks ago she told me she has stopped taking them. Since then she has gone downhill massively, she is angry, ranting, falling out with my Dad and even started shouting at her neighbours. She phones me daily ranting about my Dad and my sister. To be honest, it's a massive strain on my life. I feel guilty for writing this but I'm just at a loss. I cannot help her, she won't let me and if I dare mention the tablets she gets angry and tells me that everyone just wants her to be on the tables because it makes their lives easier.

    I had a miscarriage earlier in the year and I swear it was because of stress. I am not trying for a baby and I'm not sure I can deal with having a baby to look after as well as my Mum. This whole situation gets me down and it is a huge weight on my shoulders, which of course also affects my own life and marriage.

    I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm almost 30, and this has been my life. I try my best to help my Mum but she is the only one that can help herself and she just won't. I have no one to talk to about it, I've lost my sister because of this as well and I just don't know what to do anymore. Can anyone suggest something or has anyone been through this before? I've just had enough.

  2. #2
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Welcome to DWD hunni, sounds like so much of that I could have written... My own Mum is very similar. I know how hard it is.
    Do you know why she's stopped the meds? Did she cut down slowly or just stop?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  3. #3
    In a weird way it's nice to talk to someone that might understand. No one around me does and now I don't talk to my Sister, I have even less people to talk to.

    She just stopped (even though I had already told her to visit the doctor first to talk about stopping and also that she should slowly cut them out) She never listens. She told me she stopped because she feels that she's not aware of what's going on when she's on them and that 'everyone is walking over her' without her realising. She can't admit that they make her better and happier, it's like she would rather be unhappy.

    Also, I'm the only person that knows she has stopped taking them, so again that's a lot of pressure as I don't want to betray her trust.

  4. #4
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. Unfortunately, just stopping ADs like that is straight away likely to cause mental health to deteriorate, which won't be making things any better for you right now. I understand you don't want to betray your mum's trust but, where it's in her best interests, I think you may have to. And you shouldn't have to bear this burden alone ....

    I don't feel that depression is an excuse to treat your family poorly, hunni, and this whole situation seems to be greatly harming your family. I hope and pray you can reconcile with your sister
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  5. #5
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    You are her daughter. You should not be dealing with this alone - no one can. I promise. You need to tell your Dad and you need to get her to see her GP and tell them what's happened.
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    You are her daughter. You should not be dealing with this alone - no one can. I promise. You need to tell your Dad and you need to get her to see her GP and tell them what's happened.
    Even if my Dad knew (he does kinda know anyway as her mood has changed) he couldn't do anything. She refuses to help herself, she'd rather argue with him and be unhappy than have help and feel normal.

    I just can't help her. She calls me daily and I can tell her mood straight away, all I can do is try to not let it rub off on me, but it does. When she's angry and sad I then feel like it too. Sucks.

  7. #7
    I doubt my sister will ever talk to us again, we missed her wedding because of this. She's probably happier without it all

  8. #8
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, lovely .

    You need to talk to your dad, even if she won't listen to him, you need to share this burden ....
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  9. #9
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    It's so hard when you know that all someone wants to do is "woe is me" and that's the one thing that annoys me most! Talk to your Dad lovely. Tell him that you're struggling and maybe he can get the Dr to call round to "check up" on her?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

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