Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 18

Thread: Daily Struggle

  1. #1

    Daily Struggle

    OK so here goes.

    I know I've never been "right". I struggled with anxiety at school, and never got it addressed. I'm quit sharp so superficially have done alright at work through hard work but the truth is I am an utterly broken man.

    I have a very high pressure job heading to a company. I am paid well but treated badly by the owners who I have made millions of pounds for, and far more than any company in the industry I am in. The stress of all of it ramps up my anxiety and depression to the nth degree.

    3 years ago I discovered my wife was having an affair. This broke me as it was going on while I sought treatment for my depression and shortly after someone wrote my car off in an accident. She advised me to move out and live with my parents so not to upset our children who I adore.

    For their sake I tried to work through things and moved back in a few months later. I tried so hard to be what she wanted me to be. I was told I snored so started sleeping on the sofa, and then a year after the first revelation I discovered she was still in contact with the other man with 30ish texts being exchanged every day. The betrayal and lies hurt me beyond belief.

    I do love her and we are still together for the children.

    Three years on, I still sleep on the sofa and it destroys me. There's isn't an hour where I don't think about it and I'm an emotional zombie. I've put on weight and just don't function on a daily basis. I am utterly broken and can see no way out. My confidence and self esteem is destroyed. I don't function properly but have to pretend I do.

    I have had two amazing job offers and I turned them both down at the last minute as I know I am a fraud, as I am all over the place.

    A succession of other random things have happened that haven't helped - witnessing a fatal car crash and trying to revive the victim, seeing a boy nearly drown in a swimming pool, trying to help others at work with their issues, my best friend moving abroad, being actually told to "man up" by my GP when I asked for some anti depressants (ive had a previous diagnosis so knew I needed some meds to get me through a bad patch)

    I feel tired all the time and so incredibly alone. I'm locked in a cycle where everything I earn gets spent and I am terrified of losing my children. I know my wife doesn't love me and I have no one to talk to about it. I tried counselling but short of agreeing that things were rubbish for me, it just felt like an expensive conversation.

    My health is deteriorating and I genuinely feel that the spiral is irreversibly downward.

    Thanks for allowing me this platform to share where I am right now. I hope you all find some happiness soon.

  2. #2
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    East Riding of Yorkshire
    Posts
    9,754
    Hi and welcome. I am so sorry for everything you've been through. No wonder you're struggling. I am absolutely disgusted bu what your gp said to you. It is so hard to reach out for help in the first place, that kind of attitude makes it even worse! Is there another gp in the practice that you can see?
    Tn prdu, jhami s rcbro

  3. #3
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Jane Austen country
    Posts
    33,481
    Hi and welcome. I am so, so sorry you've been struggling and not receiving help from those who should be there to support you . Have you considered relationship counselling (either with your partner or on your own)?
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  4. #4
    Helllo and welcome to the forum. I think your very brave and strong to go through what you been through. I would think about changing your G.P. "MAN UP" F.F.S! where did he get his qualifications> Bedrock uni. Appalling. My ex wife cheated on me and although with time, it gets better to cope, i still find it hard not to think of those dark days, That is why you need to get a new G.P.

    A popsicle stick makes a great bookmark. But eat the popsicle first. Don't make the same mistake I did.

  5. #5
    Guardian of the North and kipper holder Angie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    South Yorkshire
    Posts
    26,630
    Hi and welcome to DWD, am not going to repeat what the others have said xx

  6. #6
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Surrey. UK
    Posts
    62,933
    Hi and welcome to DWD. Please do try to see a GP with a special interest in mental health and consider complaining about that one who has no place being allowed to be near people with mental health illness.
    You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  7. #7
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    Hiding under the Duvet
    Posts
    16,032
    Hi there
    The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.'
    J. M. Barrie

  8. #8
    Just checking in to thank you for your replies.

    Still feel gone in the head.

    Don't have any confidence, know I'm going to crash and burn again. Know my health is failing me on many levels. Struggling really badly and can't tell anyone. There's no one that knows everything. I've only ever tried my best and I'm now too tangled up to untangle. My head feels like it's going to explode and when it does I will lose everything very quickly. It will all fall down and I'll be left with nothing. Maybe it's my destiny, maybe I shone bright and this is the consequence. I love my children and I'm going to let them down. I don't know what to do.

  9. #9
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Surrey. UK
    Posts
    62,933
    Hey... Good to see you again.

    Did you ever talk to a GP about the way that you are feeling?
    You may not "crash and burn" at all if you can get the right help in place now. What about counselling? Sounds like you could do with some to help talk things through and see the wood for the trees, after all you've been through so much.
    Have you thought about couples therapy such as relate? It might help you to get closure on the affair? For the record though, I don't see that staying together "for the children" normally works. All it's going to do is make you both miserable which the children will pick up on. How old are they?

    Please, please, please get to a Dr and tell them what you've told us - print it out and hand it over if you find talking about it difficult...
    You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  10. #10
    Thanks for replying. No I didn't see a GP - just muddled on. I don't tell anyone anything anymore - when I told the wife about my problems, it was the same time as the affair came out. When I was at my absolute very lowest. The day I went to see a GP (which I hated) she even took a call from him in front of me pretending it was someone else. There isn't a single hour I don't think about this level of betrayal. My self esteem and confidence are gone. I have a highly stressful job where I have to be strong all of the time as I have lots of people relying on me. I can get by providing nothing serious goes wrong, then I crash and crash hard. All of it is internalised, nothing said to anyone. My sleep patterns are destroyed yet still the show goes on. I am second choice in everyone's life, I know lots of people yet I have no friends, those I have tried to support have let me down. I'm paralysed by the loneliness, the pretence and the reality of where I am. It's like I'm trapped in an inevitability and there is nothing I can do to prevent it. I want my children to remember me at my best not what I have become.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •