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Thread: Vindictive lies

  1. #1

    Vindictive lies

    Someone I know (ex friend) has started telling vindictive lies about me in order to cause trouble for someone I know. These lies could cause a lot of problems for me too. This had really set me back moodwise and it does not help that hubby is away. We have decided to ignore it and hope it goes away but the damage to my mood has already been done. I do not see or speak to this person so the lies are completely uncalled for. I last made contact many years ago and we live many miles away from each other. She is now involving me because she does not care about the impact on me, all she sees is a chance to create trouble for the other person and whatever casualties occur along the way is not her problem. The fact i was a damn good friend to her does not matter. I have taken advice from CAB and they said ignore it and ensure you do not ever put yourself in a position whereby she could lie about your actions. I really thought things were getting better. I am a nice person and would never hurt anyone yet everyone seems to want to hurt me. The last 10 months have been awful and it seems it is not going to stop.

  2. #2
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
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    How do you prevent someone telling lies about you? It doesn't matter what you do or say. Seems strange advice that.
    ‘The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.'
    J. M. Barrie

  3. #3
    I can't go into details but I am to avoid contact with some other people because it is my actions towards them that she lies about.

  4. #4
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
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    But she can continue to lie anyway so it makes no difference.
    ‘The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.'
    J. M. Barrie

  5. #5
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    Yeah you can't do anything to control someone else's actions or choices.

    But this sounds really horrible.. I hope it will come to an end soon.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Stella180 View Post
    But she can continue to lie anyway so it makes no difference.
    Yes she can continue to lie but she can't tell the lies she is if I do not see these people. This particular lie is nasty and destructive. I don $t care if she lies about me as long as it does not impact my life like this would.

  7. #7
    Thank you, Amaya. I hope it stops too because this is really upsetting me and triggering emotions I do not want.

  8. #8
    I told a friend I am feeling down and she said now now enough of that and no further messages. I would have preferred her to say "do you want to chat?" I messaged hubby and said I was down so he rang me (he has rang 4 times today). I was even able to get out in the sun today for the first time for a few days (is summer over?) But nothing is giving me a lift. I spoke to my GP at the beginning of the week and she will see me again at the end of next month but my mood has definitely declined since then. I see my counselor at the beginning of Sept as our holidays do not coincide so I am having a 5 week break from counselling. I know I need to open up to someone but at the same time I am wanting to shut myself away (it took several hours for me to respond to a text today). The dark thoughts are creeping in again and I do not want to go back to the place where they are there constantly. One nasty comment/lie and things are beginning to spiral again. I just hope seeing hubby at the weekend helps to lift my spirits again. I am also awaiting specialist counselling privately for another issue (my counselor offered to help but I have chosen to go elsewhere). I paid 8.5 weeks ago but have received an email letting me know there are currently no available spaces which upset me a bit last week. I feel like I am whinging but I need to say it to someone because having no one to talk to and bottling it up makes it worse. Are these dark periods part of my life now? Will I be riding this emotional roller coaster forever more? The last 2 mornings I have lay in bed for ages not wanting to get up and feeling I have nothing to get up for - there was a time I could not stay in bed in the morning and would jump up and set to with the days tasks. Now I just want to close my eyes and sleep the day away.

    Maybe I should just go to sleep and hope I wake feeling more positive tomorrow.

  9. #9
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. Unfortunately the others are right, you can't control someone else's actions and choices. But you can be as determined as you can be to be happy...
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  10. #10
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    The friend who answered you like that is not a real friend. If a friend would tell me they were feeling down, I would ask why.. and you already told us that so that is already good. You need to be able to talk to someone about these things to get them out. I think you need an extra appointment with the GP because things have gone worse than expected, at least that is how it seems to me. Once when I was waiting for counselling, the GP arranged for me to have interim appointment with a nurse who came to the GP practice once a week, or once every two weeks, just so I had an outlet for everything that was bothering me while I waited for the real therapy to begin. Perhaps you could tell the GP how overwhelmed you are, how low you are and ask for some help of this kind. I know it is a hard thing to do that costs a lot of energy that you don't have. But I think it could really help you.

    Do you have any friends you can talk who would understand?

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