Setback *Triggers* *SU SH triggers*

[JustEM]

Thanks Suzi Feeling a lot better about things.

My mood's flat as a pancake and unfortunately nothing is budging it.... I'm waiting on an appointment with an eating disorder specialist psychiatrist from the community mental health team to get the right balance of meds for me but that will be a minimum of two weeks away....

Really nervous about my interview at the nursery tomorrow because of the depression. It (as we all know too well) just makes me feel so empty and like I've got nothing to give, which is overwhelming. But I know I have to go and give it a shot. I guess deep down it's not reeeeeally what I want (to work in a nursery) as I know I want to join a Catholic community.... which I have a possible opportunity of doing the end of this September, but I also know my health might not be good enough to do it then and that I'll have to probably postpone for the following year. Which is fine and always a good goal to have.

So the nursery is probably the best option for me now. Guess I've got to just faking til I make it, right?

Do anti-depressants really get rid of this horrible depression? They feel like the only option.

[Paula]

What ADs really do is allow you to cope so that you have space to learn how to deal with the illness itms

[Suzi]

I completely agree with Paula x

[AndThisTooMustPass]

Great news!

[AndThisTooMustPass]

...er... great news about the appointment not the depression Good luck with the interview today, I hope it goes / went well.

[JustEM]

AD's are definitely worth a shot then. It just seems nonsense that, having already waited two weeks, I now have to wait at least another two weeks just to have an appointment with a psychiatrist about starting new meds. It feels like they're basically saying, 'You need help... In a few weeks'. They've asked me to get bloods done this week but I'm really busy with lots of nice plans so.. 'They need my bloods and they'll get them in a few weeks!'

Seeing the team yesterday was a trigger for this big dip in mood (despite the obvious relief about hospital). It's always a trigger though and thankfully the low mood has now passed! I'm switching off from the MH team for the next couple weeks and focusing on having FUN. Off to the beach and on a speed boat ride today with my brother and sister in law, then a few days with my auntie and little cousin, a day at the farm with my little niece, a few days with my other brother and his family and a 5-day camping trip to top it all off! Woo!

ATTMP, thank you!! I didn't go for the interview today. I only applied out of guilt because I felt bad about not working and living at home at the age of 23... My mind likes to use this opportunity to call myself lazy, worthless, a failure and yada yada.... I was offered a great nursery position over six months back when I was better mentally and which offered more pay but didn't even take it back then because it just wasn't for me. We've talked at length about what I really want out of life and so I'm going to focus on that community I mentioned to you and see how that unfolds. Thankfully, the low mood has improved today! How are you doing? I hope all is well with you.

Best wishes to you all xx

[Paula]

Hunni, they don't need your bloods for their own benefit, they need them to rule out any underlying condition which could be contributing to your ill health. Please get that sorted asap - it won't take long .....

And I have to point out that a 4 week wait to see a psychiatrist is really, really short!

[AndThisTooMustPass]

Hey Em!

Glad you didn't go for the interview if you didn't want to do the job. Guilt - pfft! As I'm sure you know from CBT, should, must and ought statements lie behind that and those statements are as worthy of notice as Donald Trump's tweets or a headline in The Daily Star. If you had a broken leg would you feel guilty about not running a marathon? If I was in your position would you tell me I should feel guilty for not working? Would you judge and condemn a friend the way you judge and condemn yourself? Are you able to leave making commandments up to God?

23 - not exactly ancient I left school at 15 and didn't start building a career until my first decent bit of counseling in my mid thirties and it is only now that I am doing a job I enjoy. I wish I'd not wasted most of my twenties doing jobs I hated because I felt worthless if I was not employed. I wish I'd not made myself feel worse when I was too ill to work by beating myself up for not working. You've loads of time to explore life! To take time to smell the roses.

As a Catholic atheist ( contradiction I know but Catholic education runs deep ) I know that guilt is our thing and I'm so glad and, mega impressed, that you have decided to focus on what you actually want to do, not what you feel you should do.

Thanks for letting us know about the interview and that your mood has lifted a little.

Speed boat ride, FUN! and all the other nice things you have planned YAY! .
You are an amazing person and deserve some fun and pleasure. Hope you enjoy!

Take care and I hope to hear more from you soon.
xxx

[Suzi]

Em, please do get those bloods done asap... It is important and I too am really impressed that it's only 4 weeks for a psych appointment!

[JustEM]

Well, it's actually been almost a three month wait for the psych appointment... It will just be at least a four week wait since the ED started getting in touch with them to speed up the appointment

I will get the bloods done, Suzi. I did try today as my mother is actually a phlebotomist but she couldn't get them so I'll have her do them for next Monday. I was just feeling a bit cheesed off, that's all.

ATTMP, thank you. Everything you said about the job... You're totally right. I heard back from the community regarding my application today and they will be in touch soon about an interview. Speed boat was awesome!

Thanks all x