Setback *Triggers* *SU SH triggers*

[JustEM]

Thanks everyone for your kindness and support. It means a lot.

My therapist is remarkably supportive and my family are supporting me, too. I will have this honest and open conversation with the ED team Monday and will hopefully gain more clarity from there.

If I did have to go into hospital, it would be a psychiatric ward with eating disorder patients but not specified to eating disorders only. Does anyone have any experience of this? The fact that I don't know exactly what the whole hospital experience looks like is making me more anxious.... I need reassurance from the ED team, more than just the flitting remark of hospital being a possibility.

Also I think I'm more anxious because I FEEL unwell. I've had anorexia chronically and severely (more severe than now) but have never felt as if my body is giving up as I do now.... I don't know if this is my anxiety or because I've actually been unwell with a cold these last two days... But it's like my energy is depleted. This scares me. I'm scared I will go to bed and won't wake up the next day, but im sure this is anxiety taking over and me being over-dramatic.

Today was my little nieces birthday party. I slept all morning at home, went to the party at 1pm but slept whilst there for four hours, and now I'm already ready to go to sleep again ?!

[Suzi]

I think you're so worried and anxious about being poorly that you are using up all your energy, making you completely fatigued.. Be kind to yourself lovely...

[JustEM]

Think you're right, Suzi.
I watched a new DVD last night which took my mind off it all.

The ED team have arranged a CPN to be a care coordinator for me from the cmht and an appointment with a psychiatrist to start me on new AD medication. So, obviously they want to establish support for me IN the community.

Think it's just because I haven't heard from the cmht at all and that the OT from the ED team is on annual leave that, paired with being unwell, has caused my mind to overthink and worry.

I'm sure I will feel much better after my appointment tomorrow and after calling the cmht myself. Just feel a bit left to my own devices!

[Paula]

Anxiety is truly, totally exhausting even if you're not 'doing' anything. Despite this, though, you're still pushing for support so you can pat yourself on the back

[JustEM]

Couldn't agree more, Paula! Thanks.

Yes, I want to get better. It's been a long stretch this time around!

Wishing you a nice day your end. X

[Suzi]

You really are amazing to be pushing and doing everything you can to get the right help and support.

[Amaya]

Also I think I'm more anxious because I FEEL unwell. I've had anorexia chronically and severely (more severe than now) but have never felt as if my body is giving up as I do now.... I don't know if this is my anxiety or because I've actually been unwell with a cold these last two days... But it's like my energy is depleted. This scares me. I'm scared I will go to bed and won't wake up the next day, but im sure this is anxiety taking over and me being over-dramatic.

I had this type of anxiety when I first went into the hospital. The feeling that your body is just going to stop working all together and you won't be able to live whether you want to or not. For me it happened because I couldn't sleep or eat for days and was in the worst anxiety I had ever experienced. I think these three things feed into each other. It took a while before it got better.. routine was what helped the most. Sleep for the rest for my brain. Eating for energy to function. Walking for getting rid of anxiety hormones out of my body. It took a long time to work through it.. weeks actually. But everytime I managed an hour sleep, everytime I managed to eat a little something, and every time I managed to do something physical it got a little better.

Maybe you could make yourself a program for if this feeling comes back. Like promising yourself to eat an apple whilst walking for 30m or something like that. Having regular bed and wake up times might help too. The anxiety really does get better with these simple things in my experience. And when the anxiety eases, then you can do more, eat a little more regular and sleep better too, then the anxiety gets even better.. etc etc..

For those real crisis feelings, I say start with lots of water, then walking, then fruit, then sleep.. the rest comes later more easily then. Milk is also good.. it goes down easy

And I am glad you are getting help in the community. Hospital is good if you really need it.. but it is also very hard. My only experience is six weeks in a psychiatric hospital in Holland, no idea how they are in the UK.

[JustEM]

Thanks Suzi. That's very kind of you to say.
Yeah... I DO actually want to get better this time around which is good
But I honestly feel being supported in the community will be better for me personally than having to go into hospital.

[JustEM]

Hey Amaya,

Thanks for your message. I'm sorry you suffered such anxiety but I'm pleased to hear you're in a better place out of hospital now. I really think I just need this appointment tomorrow to put me straight and feel reassured. I will just be glad by the time it's tomorrow afternoon so I finally know exactly what is going on! I know it's my mind and anxiety working overtime here. Hospital doesn't feel at all like the best form of action to take for me personally now, I feel there are steps to take first and other support to access first before it becomes an option.

I find that I suffer most if I don't sleep but thankfully I sleep well and rest when I need to. I've stopped doing things that are not helpful for my mental health such as not working in jobs that were making me worse and I'm doing lots of things that help my mental health such as being with positive people and going to therapy etc.

I keep active, walk a lot and get fresh air everyday. I don't do my horrible bed days anymore and haven't done for months. Woo!

[Suzi]

Well done lovely x