Yeah, although I can do the painting regardless of the mood.... It's funny on reflection as the more challenging my mood the more creative and wacky the flower pot and the better my mood the brighter and more subtle the flower pot!
I'm okay. Just want to go home and get today over with if I'm honest. Stomach is killing me but trying to ignore that. I'll be alright though.
hunni....
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Hm..
Just started filling my supplement bottles with water, too. My stomach just hurts too much to drink them.
Sorry do you mean you are drinking your supplements, then adding in more measured amounts of water? Or that you are binning the supplements and hiding that fact by filling them with water?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Yeahh... Binning and filling with water.
My stomach is just hurting so bad. I think I could be having refeeding symptoms.
Just got off the phone with my mother. We think I'll probably end up in hospital very soon. I really don't want this but at the end of the day even when I've complied it's been hell and having to play hospital-prevention and go to the clinic three times a week is only filling my weeks with anxiety, fear, dread and depression.
The quibbling over tiny weight fluctuations is tiresome, but the fact that my bloods are showing abnormalities and my stomach is hurting so much and that I haven't had a period since last Christmas is more of concern.
Plus mentally, I'm not even able to see the issue. I don't even view myself as anorexic and don't get what the fuss is all about. I'm very tired mentally and physically.
I don't understand how I've gotten to this state whilst being under the eating disorder services for the last four months?! I'm giving it this week for weigh-ins, more bloods and to meet with the clinical lead of the gastric ward of the hospital, but if there's still no change I think I may have to be admitted.
Oh my goodness. That last post doesn't sound like your normal self. Are you admitting to yourself that you need help? I say if they offer you a bed tomorrow, that it might be a good idea. Just until you get some energy back and are able to control your eating yourself. Will you be allowed your Internet while in hospital? Will you be able to contact us?
Yeah, Magie.... I'm usually so positive and upbeat.
I was just at my auntie's house and the paramedics pulled up in the street for one of the neighbours. Then my parents came to pick me up and when my mam saw the emergency response ambulance and instantly thought it was for me. She was so upset that we had to leave immediately.
You may well be right about hospital. I'm clearly not coping alone even though I have been trying to hard. My auntie said to me perhaps my mother's reaction was a wake up call for me to see just how serious things have become. My parents are clearly incredibly worried and the services have been on about hospital for a couple of months. Plus I feel pretty ill lately despite doing nothing and taking in more nourishment.
Not sure about the internet connection. Probably will be allowed. I'll definitely keep you updated when I can. X
Oh no. You poor thing. Is there anything you would like me to do? I know it's difficult and I imagine that it's horrible for anyone who goes through that. I'm thinking of you a lot and I really hope that you have the strength and health to beat this.
I am so proud of you. Admitting that you need more help is a massive step (different reasons but I’ve been there). Can you do something for me? Can you please be completely honest about how often you’re ditching the shakes and replacing with water? I know that’s going to be hard but, to help you fully, your parents need to know exactly what’s going on.
You’re so brave Hunni and I know you’ll get better
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
You are amazing. You are so brave. I just want to reach in and hug you and hug you and not let you go... And I'm not your Mum! I'd be bloody proud of you if I was though.
I'm with Paula - please be honest about binning the shakes love.
Will you let us know how you get on tomorrow?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
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