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Thread: Setback *Triggers* *SU SH triggers*

  1. #171
    Yeah, Suzi. It looked great! And I instantly felt comfortable there and like I fitted in! The people seemed really nice and they even put me down to do a horticulture qualification already!

    Don't know what's up with the eating. Being labelled with an eating disorder makes me feel pressured to have one, if that makes sense? It's like the depression is dismissed sometimes when I know it's the cause of not eating. Low mood, stress, self-punishment too in a way and the inability to be bothered and fear that eating will make me feel worse. All a bit of a jumble of reasons really!

  2. #172
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hunni, I suspect it's not threatening, more that she needs you to understand how poorly you are. If she never mentioned hospital then one day came in to get you sectioned, giving you no opportunity to improve, that wouldn't be fair. Believe me, she won't be wanting you to go into hospital, she'll be wanting you to get better at home.
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  3. #173
    Yeah. I don't like her attitude though regardless.

    You're right though, she has to mention it. I'm trying not to let the fear of hospital consume me though, and take each day as it comes. I don't have to see her until Friday now anyways and as long as my weight doesn't drop by Thursday (I'm not intentionally trying to lose weight!) I will be fine. I'm going to weigh in Boots first so I'm not anxious when I go to the GP. I feel like she's just waiting for the opportunity to admit me! But I suppose she just has a duty of care, right?

    Decided against the ED support group tonight. Third time I've decided against it now so I think that shows that deep-down, I don't really want to go! I will do an online ED support group tonight though which I do every night and find very positive. There's also an anorexia group online after my daily group tonight too so that's a good alternative!

  4. #174
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Why did you decide against the support group?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  5. #175
    Because this time around, I know my problems are rooted in the depression. I just didn't want to sit around with other anorexic sufferers if I'm honest. I feel like it's a life I was once consumed by and I don't want to go back or be associated with it?

    I'm going to Mind tomorrow though to check out the depression group. I feel that will benefit me more.

    The online groups for ED are good though... and not triggering!

  6. #176
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Fair enough. Sounds like you've really thought it out...
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  7. #177
    Hope everyone is as well as they can be right now!

    Little post on the ups and downs...

    Tried out the Mind groups and the mental health drop-in centre. Both weren't actually for me for totally acceptable and rational reasons (I'm not making excuses, honestly! ) but I'm glad I went and tried them all the same. It's good to see what support works best for us each as individuals.

    Managed to pick myself up from a major stressor regarding my appointment with my dear OT on Monday that was escalated by a very rude GP yesterday who made me burst into tears! I'm still going to allow myself to feel anxiety before things that stress me out and to allow myself to feel anger after things that upset me BUT I'm now feeling committed to LIMITING the time that I spend doing this so as not to let others' actions completely ruin my day. A difficult concept to put into practice but it's most definitely something I feel committed to really trying to do! I'm also feeling committed to stopping beating myself up so much all the time and to focusing on the positives much more. Like yesterday, okay I spent the whole day in bed in self-pity and misery BUT there was a time that I spent many days that way and now I only had one... and then I got up and showered and went out and was up and out early this morning again. Little victories.

    I saw my CPN care co-ordinator today. She's so lovely and totally reassured me about the whole hospital thing. Turns out she'd been having her own issues with the OT behind the scenes and she also didn't understand why they were threatening me with hospital and tube feeding. (She did still refer to my BMI as 'a sh*tty BMI' though and encouraged me to get it up a tad so I can start CBT focused on my depression next month.) I've also maintained my weight (no increase yet but at least no loss) and my bloods weren't of much concern this week either so things generally are looking better that way. Hopefully I'll have a smoother appointment with the OT on Friday. I don't want it to feel like a tension all the time!

    I also got the job too - I start Friday!

    Take care everybody! Happy Wednesday! x

  8. #178
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    That's such a fantastic post! Well done Em
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

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    JustEM (13-09-17)

  10. #179

  11. #180
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Well done lovely! What's the job? Tell us everything!
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

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