Setback *Triggers* *SU SH triggers*

[Suzi]

Wow you sound so happy and bubbly! Are you really feeling that good?

[JustEM]

I am feeling pretty good yeah, Suzi!
I feel really energised. Not in a manic way but a good way. Like, I used to play piano and haven't practised in years but tonight I spent a whole hour on the keyboard and really enjoyed! This was after doing all the ironing and cleaning up. I also woke up singing this morning as I was getting ready and last night went for a walk down the beach and felt like I could run if that makes sense? I haven't felt like I could have the energy to run in ages! (I didn't actually run for the record haha.)

You think it's the sertraline?! I won't knock it. I'm going with the flow here!

[Suzi]

Keep an eye on it lovely It does all sound very positive and I'm really happy for you.

[JustEM]

Thanks Suzi I will. I'm enjoying it whilst it lasts but I know a crash may come (as much as I hope it doesn't!!)
Another great day so far my end though.

[Suzi]

That's brilliant! Long may they continue coming lovely!

[Paula]

Morning sweetie!

[JustEM]

Thank you both

I don't know if I'm just rambling away to myself randomly here but it helps to get things out, you know....?

I had a great weekend. I was flying high at times. But the crash came Saturday night. I knew it would. Spent all day Sunday crying and huddled in a blanket watching films and all day today in bed....

The OT came from the ED services today and started going on about me heading towards being admitted to hospital. I would be admitted onto a gastric ward (not a psychiatric ward as I had thought...?) to be fed through an NG feeding tube. I was tube-fed for nine months when I was eleven years old but then I totally refused all food and drink. Now, I actually eat and drink (granted not all that much). So she said if I ate, I wouldn't be admitted to hospital for re-feeding but that I'm heading that way? It all seems a bit unclear but myself and those closest to me have accepted that if it goes this way, it will have to just bloody go this way. It is what it is - an illness.

They want to keep me in the community though so I just need to make sure my weight doesn't go any lower. (My BMI is currently 13.2 and I'm not even trying to be anorexic which is weird...) Remarkably, my bloods are okay too so that goes in my favour.

Mood-wise, I am feeling a little stronger tonight now all the rubbish mood is out of my system so hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day. I'm increasing the medication to 100mg sertraline at the weekend too and I'm seeing my therapist Friday who I haven't had a session with in a few weeks.

The gardening project were in touch, too. I missed their call so will phone them back tomorrow. I also have an interview for a weekend job as I can do permitted work with the ESA.

Hope all is as good as it can be with you. Thanks for reading.

[Angie]

I'm glad that they are there for you and that your mood has improved.

[JustEM]

Thanks Angie.

Good days and bad, hey? The more I accept that and go with the flow on particularly awful days, the easier it will get I hope...

I hope you're doing as well as you can be xx

[Angie]

There will always be days that are better than others, but getting through the bad ones is always a win.