Venturing out of the dark *TRIGGERS*

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you for talking about it all. I know how hard it is. Are you OK?

[Jaquaia]

I'm struggling and the flare up and fatigue really isn't helping matters. And I know it's something I still need to talk about as I'm back in the mindset of it must have been my fault.

[Suzi]

IT certainly wasn't your fault...

[S deleted]

How was it your fault? Do you think that your current behaviour is linked to your history?

[Jaquaia]

I think the usual, I should have done more to stop them, I should have fought them off. Logically I know that it wasn't my fault but those thoughts are there at the back of my mind. My current behaviour, I wonder if it's a way to get rid of the numbness, or is it a way of taking power back as this is my choice. I haven't had the power to chose taken away from me itms? Or am I just finally shedding other peoples standards and establishing my own.

[S deleted]

You sure know how to answer a question with a question lol. I know there's no easy answer to that one but I know my experiences have shaped me. How do you feel about your recent behaviour? You said before you had concerns? Maybe you need to slow down a bit?

[Jaquaia]

I dunno. It's weird but something feels a bit off. I don't know what it is but I'm having fun and it's liberating. I don't know. It could be my inability to completely relax or it could be the values I was raised with whispering at me.

[S deleted]

I've said it before but I am a bit jealous of your confidence to get out there and enjoy yourself. I sometimes wish I could just let go but I'm too scared.

[Jaquaia]

I wouldn't say confidence, more like to what anyone says or thinks. I'm pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

[S deleted]

Exactly. You're pushing your boundaries which makes me so damned proud of you, but what is confidence if it's not saying to what others think or say?