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Thread: Feel SO ill

  1. #11
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Do you know why the trouble with sleep? Has there been a specific trigger for that?
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

  2. #12
    JustEM
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    My mind is just whirring away like crazy. I want to sleep, it's just not happening. Today, I was up at 3am and I won't be able to sleep until late tonight. It could be stress.
    Sometimes, it's because I'm hungry which is my own fault. I am trying to treat my body better though and trying to remember the simple fact that if my body is screaming out 'I'm hungry!', it quite simply needs to be fed!
    My therapist recommended me to ask for something from the GP for sleeping. I've taken Kalms night time ones but still only slept five hours in two nights.

  3. #13
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Thing is you know the spiel, you know that if you don't eat then your mood crashes which causes you to not eat, which means you feel ill and are ill and your body suffers and then everything suffers. I think, bluntly (and I'm sorry) but you're going to have to try more lovely..
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  4. #14
    JustEM
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    Don't apologise, what you said is right. I'll get there, like I've got there before!

  5. #15
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I didn't want to upset or offend you...

    You can do this. I have every faith in you x
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  6. #16
    JustEM
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    Not at all! Sorry if I seemed a bit dismissive in my response!
    Thanks for your encouragement. Hope all is well with you x

  7. #17
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    It's sometimes really hard to know how things are said when it's all based through text! I didn't think you were dismissive, I think you're incredibly strong to have beaten anorexia before. You can do this. I really do believe you can x
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  8. #18
    JustEM
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    Haha yes, I know what you mean!
    Thanks for your kind words.
    I know things will eventually get better. It's not bad like it was in that I don't feel I've made a consecutive decision this time to 'go-into' the anorexia, if that makes sense? But sometimes a spot of realism is just what I need! I'm very good at convincing myself it's all 'A-okay'. Take care of yourself x

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  10. #19
    BookNerd
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    I'm not mental health trained, but your previous posts mention a lot about control, and I'm pretty sure that is one of the things involved with anorexia. Are you seeing a psychotherapist? The books used to say this need for control could be stem from previous experience, of what I can't say since I only have surface knowledge of mental health.

    I do get how you're holding back some information from some therapists though. You are meant to be honest with them so they can help you the best they can, but it's also a matter of having a trusting relationship with them, isn't it? It's hard. But you did also mention you are seeing someone privately whom you trust, so I'm glad there's someone!

    Hope you're getting better, even in small, tiny steps! x

  11. #20
    JustEM
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    Hey there!

    Thanks for your message.

    Yes, the need for control stems right back to when I was nine years old. My life felt out of control and what I ate and my weight became the only thing I could control. I guess I developed anorexia rather than perhaps a different illness because this need for control was paired with weight-related and healthy eating comments which served then as a trigger for the eating disorder. It's a weird illness because this control element can give you a buzz and a sense of self-worth which, when you're depressed, feels worth grasping!

    I guess 'this time around', things in my life have felt out of control and a few weight comments were made towards me last year that affected my self-esteem increasingly so as I became more depressed over the following months....

    So yeah. Control, self-esteem, self-worth.... But I am getting help, yes. Not so much for the eating disorder bit though.

    Maybe I shouldn't say this but as someone who has suffered with long-term mental health problems, from my own experience I have found it quite easy to note the difference between a therapist who cares sure but not to the extent of a therapist who really genuinely cares and wants to help you. Thankfully, my therapist I see privately is one of those one in a million types so im very grateful to be able to work with her!! I am honest with the OT that I see from the cmht and she's nice but I don't massively connect with her, you know?

    I hope everything is as good as it can be with you! Thanks for your encouragement.

    Things are getting better, but my eating (or lack of!) is remaining un-addressed. I know this needs to come from me and im sure it will when things soon start to feel a little less stressful and out of 'control'.

    Take care x

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