Page 1 of 90 1231151 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 895

Thread: Where I'm at

  1. #1
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    Hiding under the Duvet
    Posts
    15,688

    Where I'm at

    Ok, its taken me a while to pluck up the courage to post this so firstly I ask you all NOT to go through the whole ‘welcome back’ palaver cos it makes me feel really uncomfortable and I'm not even sure I'll be sticking around.

    I guess I've not been doing so good for quite a while now. All the signs were there to see, poor hygiene, social withdrawal, irregular sleep patterns/ sleeping during the day, paranoia, obsessive behaviour, highly emotional, lack of energy/motivation, not eating sensibly....the list goes on, but each time I noticed one of these symptom I would push myself and fight it and foolishly thought I was winning. All I was doing was painting over the cracks. Now I'm feeling lost and alone and don't know which way to turn.

    I've been fighting this battle with depression and anxiety for so many years now but every time I think I'm getting on top of it, and I've made so many changes in my life and tried so many techniques to help, its like the depression mutates and finds a different way to sneak up and catch me out. I have come so far over the years and made to many positive steps but I still can't out run this black cloud.

    Social media has been a huge trigger for me lately, and even this forum didn't feel like the safe place for me that it once was, which is why I shut everything down. The less contact with the outside world, the less I would have to deal with. I was in a downward spiral and I had to do something to stop it. Maybe it was a bit extreme but I had to put the brakes on and give myself time to breathe.

    I'm not convinced that posting here again is right for me and it kinda feels a bit weird but my counsellor is worried that without DWD I have no real support structure in place and she's not the only person showing concern. So here I am. Trying to interact and asking for advice on how to expand my support network.
    Last edited by Paula; 04-08-17 at 09:32 PM. Reason: Added trigger warning as per DWD policy
    ".Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later.”

  2. #2
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    East Riding of Yorkshire
    Posts
    9,620
    I'm proud of you
    Tên përdu, jhamâi së rëcôbro

  3. #3
    Hero Member OldMike's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    Off his tree in Manchester UK
    Posts
    7,687
    That's one thing I've noticed about my depression, I think I've got it sorted and it finds another way to get back at me.

    So none of the old palaver just a big (((hug))) Stella
    70 and counting, less of the "Old" call me "Mike"

  4. #4
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Jane Austen country
    Posts
    33,117
    Hey Superwoman! Living up to your title today
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  5. #5
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Surrey. UK
    Posts
    62,230
    I'm glad you've posted...
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  6. #6
    Hero Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Netherlands
    Posts
    1,751
    Hi Stella. I am here again after a long period of withdrawing from everyone. So whether you stick around or not, whether you end up regularly posting, or not.. I get it. For me I had to realise I needed to ask for support from every place possible and that not doing that was part of my illness.. as in I was getting more ill and was in denial about it trying to keep control of myself. It didn't work for me. I think we are social animals so I am not sure how withdrawal will work for anyone. But hey, it doesn't matter whether it is with us or in another way.. what is important is that you have support. So if you do try to stick around.. I will be trying my best to do the same. If not, I hope you will reach out in another direction so that you are not alone. Ultimately we all have to be alone to deal with our at one point or another.. but for most of the time it is really helpful to have people around to talk to and lean on. Even if the people I talk to now can't actually help me, the sense that I shared it around a bit seems to take the nasty edge out of the worst parts of being ill. That's my experience recently anyway.

    It is good to see you post, because when I first got back here I was looking out for your thread and didn't see it. Whatever you do don't feel bad about taking time out when you need to. But do know that you are missed. Even by someone else who is useless and keeping up with the forum herself. It gave me a smile to see you on here again tonight

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Amaya For This Useful Post:

    Suzi (07-07-17)

  8. #7
    Moderator of Awesomeness magie06's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Galway, Ireland
    Posts
    12,589
    I'll just send you some hugs too.

  9. #8
    Guardian of the North and kipper holder Angie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    South Yorkshire
    Posts
    26,575
    I'm another that is really proud of you hunni,

  10. #9
    It is very honest of you stella to list the symptoms you were experiencing. But it is a sign that you know what is wrong and getting help is the next step.
    Social media is a two edged sword. It can work both ways, but you have to find a balance and ultimately the help you will find is in the real world.
    I hope you will get better and it will be a long hall but i think you have the strength to do it.
    You are indeed a supergirl and i am proud of you that you had the courage to post.

    A popsicle stick makes a great bookmark. But eat the popsicle first. Don't make the same mistake I did.

  11. #10
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    Hiding under the Duvet
    Posts
    15,688
    It's my lack of rl support that is a worry for me. My GP is only really good for prescriptions every couple of months. Any referrals for secondary care get ignored and I've already completed the healthy minds CBT course so medically I've hit a dead end. I've completed a couple of terms of a confidence class, and I am having regular counselling which I arranged myself. I have friends who are great but I feel bad putting on them so much, and the majority have other priorities than to help pick up the pieces of my life. Family is difficult cos only really my sister I speak to and she winds me up more often than not.

    So where do I turn? How do I find the right support?
    ".Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later.”

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •