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Thread: Where I'm at

  1. #881
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
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    Mike, it's like a frozen jigsaw puzzle lol

    Yes Flo, the massager is built into the mattress. It's amazing.

    How I'm I? My back feels much better today but my mood, that's not so great. I feel like I've been getting out and doing stuff not because I want to but cos I have to. Darts was about the team, breakfast the other day was a thank you for a friend, taking my sister to work each day, or doing bits of shopping. Usually I get something out of pushing myself to do things but it's been a hard slog this week. I've felt incredibly lonely even when I have been around others. Like I don't really belong anywhere and I have no real importance. The world will keep turning whether I'm here or not and I'm just a spectator watching everyone else living their lives.
    ".Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later.”

  2. #882
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    I think you're important....

    Hope you are feeling at least a little brighter. FWIW I think most people I know have found this week an uphill slog...
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  3. #883
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
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    I've been to Tesco for fruit and cake and beer. Seeing as I didn't go out on the lash with my sister today thought I'd have my own little party at home tonight. It's not that busy in there but still my senses were on overdrive. Isn't it weird how things sound louder, lights look brighter and smells are more intense when you're anxious. My body feels like it's had a heavy gym session, muscles aching, heavy breathing, tight chest, sweating profusely. Never really broken it down before it's no wonder it's so exhausting.
    ".Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later.”

  4. #884
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    It really is. I'm glad you've stopped and analysed it a bit - maybe this means you won't beat yourself up so much??????
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  5. #885
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
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    Haha, yeah right like that's gonna happen. To be fair I rarely give myself grief over my anxiety. Yeah it hinders my social life which is frustrating and I hate letting people down, but I am getting a bit better on that front and not giving in so easily. I'm the opposite to the majority of members here cos I find it easier to battle the anxiety than the depression. When my mood dips I cant see the point in existence and it's then that I allow the anxiety to stop me.

    As for my one woman party tonight I decided I wasn't in the mood which was lucky considering I got a call from my sister wanting a lift home so I got to play taxi driver instead. Next weekend it will be a role reversal cos I've got two friends celebrating birthdays as well as seeing the boys so it's going to be a long day and I'll be the one needing a taxi service. It will be a blowout before Sober for October kicks in.
    ".Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later.”

  6. #886
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    So... what's on the plan for today? How's your hand/arm?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  7. #887
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
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    Yeah my hand and arm are fine. Looks a lot worse that it actually is. Nothing exciting planned for today except trying to get this doss hole cleaned up and looking halfway respectable again. Maybe blast a few tunes out as I go.
    ".Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later.”

  8. #888
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Go you!
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  9. #889
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
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    So much for getting the house cleaned up. Fell asleep on the sofa instead. Another wasted day.
    ".Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later.”

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